A lot about not much

… made it back for a second week, GO ME!!!

To kick things off, I just want to say the biggest - like HUGEST, massive-est - heartfelt thank you, to those of you who have subscribed and sent me messages of love and support. You may think I don’t read messages or that they aren’t ‘worth’ sending but I read them all - and they really mean the World! Newbies to this newsletter, welcome - I’m just going to be waffling on about my week of highs, lows and most importantly sources of comfort.

My week has been a bit ‘meh’ to be honest - I had a follow up hospital appointment to discuss blood results and scans and now have a lorry load of things that I need to address - which just makes my head explode with worry, I’ve slept pretty terribly so I’m slightly exhausted and have KITbags under my eyes, the weather has been unpredictable, which just doesn’t suit my need for consistency, I feel a bit numb - like I’m existing in this invisible bubble andddd I ran out of my favourite Canna coffee this week - #drama - fear not I’ve ordered plenty to replenish stocks! Despite this, I’ve still been on a comfort mission and pulled together a few little gems for you.

Before I crack on (and possibly bore you to tears)… I’ve been thinking (bold, I know) - I would LOVE to hear some of the things that have been sources of comfort for you guys - I’m sure I could/should be able to generate a specific chat thread on here, but in the meantime, I’d be delighted to hear about your moments of zen/recommendations or just generally chat - so drop me a message in the comments box thingy below.

Right, lets go with my highlights:

GREAT BRITISH SEWING BEE

I’m kicking things off with a bit of TV.

I really struggled when I was at University, I just hated everything about it; the studying, the being away from home, the loneliness. When I couldn’t sleep, I would watch endless re-runs of Bake Off - I found it so cathartic - it was pure comfort viewing - and around three episodes deep I would usually manage to nod off a bit - at the time I could practically recite series 3 ‘Sweet dough’.

Sleep has never been something I’m great at, but recently I’ve found it particularly challenging. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still love Bake Off, but somehow it feels a little less calming to watch - pretty sure that has something to be with having been in the tent and experienced the stress. Instead, I’ve become obsessed with Sewing Bee - the sewing equivalent of Bake Off; it’s creative, informative, comforting & soothing, I adore judge Esme Young - I’ve read a bit about her and she sounds like an absolute QUEEN… and oh my goodness the SKILL of the contestants is insane.
Basically I want to learn how to sew like a boss. On that note, if anyone has any tips on where to begin - I need the basics guys - I’d love to hear them - and if you’re not watching it already, I highly recommend it - Wednesday evenings- 9pm, pop it in your diary. Last years’ series was also fab and you can catch up on past episodes (we’re on series 8, plus there have been some celeb specials, so there’s plenty to occupy yourself with) on BBC iplayer - get involved!

A REALLY GREAT LUNCH

My Take on Jennifer Annistons favourite salad (apparently the one that *everyone* has been talking about)

Ok so maybe this isn’t comfort as such, but wholesome, (do I need to rebrand?). It’s one of those meals that kind of makes you feel zen and nourished and a little bit alive; like you can take on the afternoon/World, definitely the World. It’s also low effort, full of nutritious ingredients, and flavour and is batch cooking at its best, so will feed you across a few days… it’s really no wonder that Jen supposedly ate it daily whilst filming Friends.

I’ve fiddled with the original recipe a bit - such a rebel - and suggested a few alternatives, I’ve also  approximately adapted it from cup measurements to weight (in grams)… because, in baking world, cups just don’t cut it- baking is science and accuracy matters - therefore I work, to a major extent, by weight for cooking too.

Recipe as follows:

Serves 3

Ingredients

90g Dried wholewheat bulgur (I get mine from waitrose)
120g drained tinned or jarred chickpeas - basically a half tin or my preference, from a jar Bold Bean co are without doubt the absolute best!
150g cucumber - centre scooped out and remainder chopped into small chunks
1 shallot or half a small red onion - finely chopped
15g Fresh mint finely chopped
15g Fresh parsley finely chopped
75g crumbled Feta
30g Toasted pistachio/almond or pine nuts finely chopped
2 tbsp Extra virgin olive oil
2.5-3 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice - approx 1 small lemon
1 small grated garlic clove
1 tsp Dijon mustard
(Maldon) Salt & pepper to taste

Method

Cook the bulgur as per the packet instructions, season well with Maldon salt and pepper and allow to cool. Once cooled, transfer to a large bowl and add the drained chickpeas, cucumber, shallot, mint & parsley and stir to combine. Meanwhile, prepare the dressing, combine the oil, lemon, garlic and mustard in an old jam jar, secure the lid, (please make sure it is secure or you’ll be showered in dressing) and shake it up really well . Once ready to serve, stir the dressing through the bulgur and chickpea mix, transfer to a bowl, crumble over the feta top with the nuts.

Notes:

Leftovers: Portion up the base recipe - chickpea/bulgur mix into tupperware - I recommend adding the dressing/feta and nuts when ready to serve/on the day you consume it - otherwise everything gets a bit soggy.

MAD ABOUT MANGOES

A bit of nostalgia in a bowl here:

So, when I was a kid, Mum’s go-to dessert if someone came over was a fruit salad. It would always feature mangoes, passionfruit, kiwi and occasionally berries, she’d chop the fruit chunky ‘because small pieces are annoying, you want to be able to taste the fruit in each mouthful’ - her words precisely, she never added sugar but would LIBERALLY douse it in a passionfruit liqueur she discovered years ago called Passoã - you can buy it in most supermarkets now and honestly, it phenomenal. She’d serve the fruit salad with crème fraîche, and crumbled crisp amaretti.

Mangoes are at their prime at the moment, in fact they are everywhere, often quite cheap too, so I urge you to go and pick one up, along with a couple of other tropical fruits and some Passoã * - admittedly, this comfort source is now getting a bit pricey - apologies, but trust me, it’s so worth it - add a little lime zest when you come to serve and top with some form of dairy (coconut yoghurt would work well too), crumble over some amaretti and literally melt into the most heavenly fresh and comforting dessert ever!
*for a non-alcoholic version, you can just sub the liqueur for a good quality passion fruit juice!

SNACK ATTACK

Sitting still is not something I’m good at… nor do I enjoy it, I just have to be doing something… when working at my desk from home, 30 minutes static is about my limit. In fairness, I’m pretty lucky - it’s rare that I have to spend long periods strapped to a computer, but on the odd occasions that I do, it’s pretty tortuous, and I have to implement active breaks… active *BAKING* breaks to be specific. Now these ‘bake-breaks’ need to fulfil a number of objectives: ease, speed, some sort of mixture that can be eaten pre, during and post bake, and it’s also quite useful if its vaguely nourishing - so here is one of my - many - solutions.

Recipe

40g corn or spelt flakes (Rude Health spelt flakes are my preference)
25g lightly roasted nuts chopped - I use almonds
20g Flaked coconut - again toasted, I use these
10g Pumpkin seeds
10g Sesame/Linseeds
25g Smooth Almond or peanut butter
Pinch of Maldon sea salt
30g super ripe banana
30ml Maple syrup

Preheat the oven to 170C/150C fan and line a baking tray with parchment. Combine the flakes, nuts, coconut, seeds and salt in a large bowl. Meanwhile, mash a super ripe chunk of banana and mix with the maple syrup and nut butter. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and mix well to coat everything - mix this really well! Dump out onto the lined baking tray and flatten into a neat rectangle [25x18cm] using a palette knife or the back of a spoon - try to make sure it’s an even thickness before transferring to the oven - bake for around 20 minutes - keep an eye on it, it can catch at the edges a bit. Once golden, remove from the oven, leave to cool on the tray for 30 mins before snapping into little shards.
*the recipe is based on this from Ottolenghi (scroll down the page) - his is ace, I just make a few adjustments and halve the recipe because I prefer to bake little and often to get the psychological reward as well as the tasty outcome.

VALIDATION FROM OTHERS

So this is a weird one - basically, I realised on Tuesday when I put a post out on my Instagram (this teacake recipe if you’re wondering), how much, I find myself needing validation from others - it’s like I’m so lacking in confidence and have so little trust in myself, my own instincts, interests, abilities, that I crave external approval - and you know what? It’s a really useless trait, for a number of reasons,

1. It’s unreliable - humans are unreliable, they have their own lives, worries, joys to be dealing with and you’re not at the centre of their world - sad as that may seem - so depending on others won’t satisfy your needs.

2. No matter how much praise, how many likes or how much ‘love’ you get, you’ll always want more… not only that, the more you seek - and obtain it - the more you require it, as you progressively lose your own power to make decisions... essentially, it’s like a drug - it’s addictive and the high is short lived.

3. You’re never going to please everyone - as the saying goes, you can be the ripest juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be somebody who hates peaches… so go be peachy (or melon-y if that’s more your thing).

This concept of needing approval isn’t a new thing for me, but I did take a little comfort from acknowledging how pointless it was and from realising that, whilst praise is lovely, I desperately need to improve my self-worth; learn to love & accept myself for being me, and *try* to be confident and believe in my own abilities, continually seek to improve myself and remain humble about things I don’t know - easier said than done but baby steps eh?

I’m not sure how useful this is, but if anyone can relate - join me attempting to let go of what others think and focussing more on how wonderfully unique WE ALL are.

MISC EXTRAS

• I’m LOVING all things Jersey Royals and asparagus, pretty much a daily feature at the mo - try this recipe - it’s on my hit list and looks magical - also Esther makes mouthwatering dishes so also take a look at all her delicious concoctions.

• I’ve become really obsessed with homemade bagels… and I’m on a mission to establish my version of perfect - I think I’m getting there - will share it with you when I’m happy.

• Banana bread - it just never disappoints… another lockdown craze that didn’t lose it’s appeal as far I’m concerned - my latest edition was an insanely moist, brown butter situation, with a hint of cinnamon, some of that epic little pod Vanilla plenty of really black bananas - so good. Again, I’ll pop it up here when I have written it up.

• I really love a ‘meaningful number’ - bear with me - so today is 22.5.22 and it’s just very pleasing to be alive on this really symmetrical date, I’m taking comfort from that!!

God I need to shut up this has become endless - if you’re still with me, I admire and very much appreciate your commitment - apologies for the minutes of your life wasted reading my tome - note to self, learn to be concise Steph - I’ll rein it in next week, I promise. Take care and have a great week X