#51 A confession

I have a confession to make… one that I don’t really want to admit to because I just feel weak and pathetic. I’ve tried to suppress it for a while, tentatively alluding to it over the past few weeks, but shamefully brushing it off or dancing around the subject with the odd joke. Nevertheless, I feel like I’ve reached a kind of saturation point and I need to be transparent with you.

For the past… well, most of this year, I’ve been feeling overwhelmingly miserable and that I’m living a numb, futile existence. I’m struggling to relate to people, and am finding navigating life increasingly challenging. I cry most days, everything feels scary and difficult, my mind is constantly whirring, and my lack of purpose, job, worth and ultimately, income place further pressures on the situation.

I’m utterly ashamed to admit it given that I have SO many privileges and countless things to be grateful for. I am also acutely aware that people are facing far greater challenges than those I am going through right now, and coping so much better than I am… but the reality is, I feel really terrible.

I do not want pity, that will make me feel more guilty, but I want to be honest with you, to explain myself a bit, and also because I just adore the little community that we’ve built up here, so I feel I owe you an explanation. Your unconditional support since I started this newsletter 15 months ago, has been astonishing, I could not be more grateful for the love and kindness - you’re all rockstars.

The point is though, I need to give my brain a bit of a break, and much as I enjoy writing the newsletter, I’m finding it increasingly challenging, and I don’t want that to be reflected in the quality of what I’m writing/sharing.

Don’t panic, I don’t intend to stray far, you can’t get rid of me that easily, but I’m going to take a little pressure off myself for a few weeks by taking a little step back. I still intend to share any recipes that I magic up with you (because tinkering in the kitchen is my obsession and therapy and I like sharing what I dream up), but you can expect a LOT less waffle (which you’re probably quite relieved about!!). I will continue to post one recipe a week for paid subscribers as a bare minimum, and probably other bits and bobs here and there too. Obviously you can also access the past years worth of Comfort Chronicles articles via the recipe index.
**Just to be clear, I am also seeking some professional support because I realise I can’t just expect all my problems to magically evaporate without changing something - I will of course keep you up to date with how this goes, as and when.

I realise that’s not exactly a bundle of uplifting news, in fact, it’s quite the conversation killer isn’t it? Apologies for that, but I do hope you can all bear with me a bit, and I’m looking forward to hopefully returning to my ‘normal’ chatty self in the not too distant future.

In terms of this week’s foodie fun and games, I have a few little corkers: a very seasonal apple, blackberry and hazelnut bircher, a really delicious baked frittata that is perfect lunchbox fodder, and THAT cake that I shared on Instagram on Monday; if you missed it, it was a brown sugar vanilla cake, with a blackberry and blackcurrant jam and whipped white chocolate ganache - seriously guys, it’s special. Over on TCC+ you can have a go at another comfort style biscuit; a triple chocolate shortbread/cookie affair that is a really wonderful accompaniment to your mid-morning cuppa.

ENJOY!

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Apple, Blackberry & Hazelnut Bircher

This is a riff on my OG apple and blueberry bircher. I’m not gonna lie, when I find something I like, I don’t always see the point in changing things. However, we’re approaching peak blackberry season and I had a handful of hazelnuts lurking in a packet that needed using, and so I gave my breakfast a face lift. This makes one decent sized portion, but you could halve it and eat it over a couple of days. It’s also adaptable for vegans - coconut yoghurt and almond milk are great substitutions (upgrades even!!), you could also switch the hazelnuts for almonds if you prefer, and toasted flaked coconut is a very worthy alternative to the seeds. Finally, add a little drizzle (about 1 tsp) of honey or maple syrup if you so wish, I don’t but if you like a touch of sweetness whack that in too!

Ingredients

60g Jumbo oats
90g Greek yoghurt - thick set or ‘Greek style natural’ both work
90ml Milk
10g (~1 tbsp) Toasted seeds
10g( ~ 1 tbsp) Toasted hazelnuts roughly chopped, plus a few extra for sprinkling
1/2 apple approx 50g, grated
50g Blackberries plus a handful for topping.
Optional drizzle of honey or maple syrup.

Method

Combine the oats, yoghurt and milk in a bowl, add the seeds and nuts and stir through. Add the grated apple and stir to combine. Finally add the blackberries, if they are very large chop them in half, and stir through, the mixture will probably adopt a wonderful purple hue. Once mixed, cover and leave overnight in the fridge. The following morning, spoon into a bowl, top with more blackberries and extra nuts/ seeds if you wish. Dive in!

Baked Frittata

To be perfectly honest, I’m not sure if this should really be called frittata, it’s not made using the traditional method and is significant firmer, but that’s the only name I can come up with which roughly defines it - but you have to trust me when I say it’s bloomin delicious. It serves as the perfect solution for packed lunches (and picnics if the weather ever allows), or a light supper served with some potato wedges and a side salad.

Serves 2

Ingredients

125g Courgette (approx 1/2 large or 1 small) Sliced into 5mm rounds and quartered
100g red pepper roughly chopped into 1cm chunks
100g (approx 10) cherry tomatoes, halved
2 Spring onions roughly chopped
50g Spinach
4 Large eggs
5g Fresh Dill roughly chopped
5g Fresh Basil roughly chopped
40g Feta crumbled
Splash of milk

Olive oil for frying
Butter for greasing
Salt and pepper to taste

Method

Preheat the oven to 190C/170C fan. Grease a 6-7 inch round dish with butter and line with a scrunched up piece of parchment.

Place a medium sized frying pan over a medium heat and add a drizzle of oil, once hot, add the courgette and pepper and cook, stirring periodically, for around 10 minutes or until softened and slightly browned. Add the tomatoes, and spring onions and cook until softened - another 5 mins or so. Finally chuck in the spinach and stir through, cook until wilted - around 2 mins. Once everything is cooked, remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Meanwhile, combine the eggs, herbs and a splash of milk in a large bowl, add half of the crumbled feta and season with salt and pepper. Once the veg has cooled. add to the egg mixture and whisk until everything is combined. Pour into the prepared tin, top with the remaining crumbled feta and bake in the oven for around 25 minutes or until puffed up and set. Leave to cool completely before slicing into wedges.

NOTE:

• If, like my Mum, you have to eat everything warm (with the exception of ice cream) you can re-heat a portion in the microwave - 2-3 minutes on full power, or until piping hot, should do the trick.

• Obviously you can manipulate the recipe to include your favourite herbs. veggies, spices, and cheese - just make sure you keep the base recipe and quantities roughly equivalent.

Brown sugar vanilla sponge cake with Blackberry & blackcurrant jam and whipped vanilla white chocolate ganache.

On Monday, I wanted cake… and so I made cake…

Vanilla sponge, sandwiched with jam and cream is my stand-out favourite, this cake is simply a variation on the much-loved classic.

As I mentioned above in the bircher recipe, we’re approaching peak blackberry/blackcurrant season which always excites me. In my opinion these berries make the best jams - their acidity lends them to be perfect candidates for preserving - married with a vanilla infused tender sponge, warmed with caramel notes from brown sugar, and topped with a heavenly light whipped vanilla white chocolate ganache, you have the most perfect marriage of flavour, sweetness, richness and texture.

Ingredients

Sponge

85g Unsalted butter Softened
35g Neutral oil - Light Olive or rapeseed oil
125g Soft light brown sugar (sifted break up any lumpy nuggets)
2 large eggs (105g weight out of shell) room temperature
125g Self raising flour
Pinch of sea salt
35g Whole milk room temperature
1 tsp Vanilla bean paste

Jumbleberry ‘jam’

125g Blackberries and blackcurrant mix
35g Golden caster sugar
5ml lemon juice

Whipped vanilla white chocolate ganache
150g Double cream
60g White chocolate (good quality stuff)
1/2 tsp Vanilla bean paste
good pinch of flaky sea salt

Method

The night before you plan to bake the cake prepare the ganache, measure the chocolate into a heatproof bowl and set aside. Meanwhile, place the cream, vanilla and salt in a saucepan and place over a medium heat until steaming. Once steaming, pour over the chocolate. Leave to stand for a minute then stir from the centre until you have a smooth loose ganache - use an immersion blender for a super smooth ganache. Cover and allow to cool to room temperature then refrigerate and chill overnight.

For the ‘jam’. Combine the berries in a saucepan with the sugar and lemon juice, place over a medium heat and cook until the sugar has dissolved, turn up the heat and bring to a simmer, continue to cook for around 5 minutes or until slightly thickened and glossy. Cover and set aside to cool.

For the sponge, preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan. Grease and Line the base and sides of a 7 - inch square tin with parchment.

Sift the flour into a large bowl and add the pinch of salt, mix just to combine. Set aside. Combine the room temp milk and vanilla in a jug and again set aside. 

Next, beat the butter and sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer (with the beater attachment) on a medium/high speed until homogenous and slightly aerated - about 3 mins, scrape the bowl down a couple of times if necessary during this time. With the beater still running on medium, stream in the oil, once all of the oil has been added beat for another minute or 2 until homogenous.

Now with the mixer running on medium incrementally add the eggs. Go slow here allowing each addition to fully incorporate before adding the next. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as necessary and be patient. Once all of the eggs have been added you should have a beautifully emulsified batter.

Add the sifted flour and fold in, either by hand or with the mixer running at the lowest speed. Finally, with the mixer still running on slow, gradually stream in the vanilla milk. Mix until just incorporated, then stop the mixer and use a spatula to scrape around the bottom of the bowl, just to make sure everything is mixed.

Transfer to the prepared cake tin and level with the back of a spoon. Bake in the oven for 27-30 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean.

Once baked, remove from the oven, and leave to cool for 5 mins before removing from the tin, (peeling off the parchment), and transferring to a wire rack to cool completely - it’s quite a delicate little sponge so be gentle with it!

To assemble, use an electric mixer to whip the white chocolate ganache to medium stiff peaks - looks bit like soft serve ice cream. Place the cake on a serving board or plate. Spread the jam over the top, then finish with the ganache. Add some decoration if you wish or just serve as is! Cut the cake in half and then cut each half into 4 ‘fingers’.

Notes:

*alternative cake tin suggestion:
- this would fit in an 8 inch round tin
OR
- you could double the recipe and bake 2 x 8-inch round layers, and sandwich with the jam, and 1/2 the ganache, then top with a thin smoosh of the remaining ganache,

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Some final little notes:

• Weather - atrocious, I’m ready for blankets and hot water bottles already.

• Hijack (Apple TV) - sensational ending… was transfixed the whole way through… best drama I’ve watched on TV in a very long time.

• A chat with Rahul, about cake (obv)… and animals- two KEY discussion topics I’m sure we all agree.

• Raspberries - can’t stop buying punnets… compelled to greedily snaffle half a pack before they’ve made it home - dangerous sport.

• Puppies - my sister is picking up a stunning black Labrador puppy this weekend, naturally this caused me to spend a whole morning staring at puppy pictures which was an excellent use of time.

• Lasagne - lentil ragu (or meat version), lasagne sheets, bechamel… x layyyyyyerssss, topped with a scattering of parmesan and baked until bubbling and golden. Served with a rocket, tomato, cucumber salad, balsam and olive oil… GOLDEN. (Had this on Friday… pure heaven).

Love and hugs as always,

Steph xxx