On Sunday, Monday… (Ok, AND Tuesday), I wanted to put my head down the toilet… then on Wednesday, I decided that maybe there were better things to do than this… like marvel at the vibrancy of the world - it really did look so bright and cheerful.
Unfortunately, I’ve been wallowing back in my pit again, only this week, I went pretty deep. I cried a lot on Tuesday evening (probably Sunday and Monday too now I think about it), about EVERYthing - including an increasing concern over what I could provide, other than moaning, in this week’s newsletter.
Whilst I’m incredibly open about, well… everything, I’m reluctant to chat about my feelings at length this week because, 1. I’m exhausted, 2. I’m determined to keep this space as positive as possible, and 3. I am extremely aware of my privileges, and I fear that some of my emotions aren’t always that valid. Nevertheless, things do feel particularly challenging at the moment, and I feel guilty for both feeling this way… and saying that I do.
I also seem to adopt a sort of ‘writers block’ when I feel rubbish; no enthusiasm, inspiration, or motivation, plus an an even greater lack of confidence (less than my base rate, which is imperceptible) = many hours staring at a blank screen, thinking too hard about the task in hand.
I suppose the other thing that has unsettled me a bit this week is that, as many of you will know, today (as you read this), is Father’s Day - Happy Father’s day to all the hero Dad’s out there - and as I mentioned a few weeks back, I have been REALLY missing Dad of late, so it feels extra tough.
As an ode to him, I decided to get my bake on. During one of the last visits I made to see him, he mentioned having a particular penchant for a recipe Mum would make way back; pineapple upside down pudding… I’ll go into that a little more below but making it this week made me feel just a little bit closer to him which was a welcome morsel of comfort.
Despite this weeks’ challenges, I find it rather marvellous that, as I sit here now and reflect on the past 7 days - which, along with the other 160+ days of this year seem to have evaporated, I mean, how is it mid-June already? I’m still relating things back to Christmas 22, but now I realise I should probably be getting the sprouts on for this year’s festivities - I can recall quite a few moments of beauty, comfort, humour, ridiculousness and on occasion, ‘all of the above’… and you need to kept in the loop with these things, so here goes:
I’ll kick off with the ridiculous… I just found the milk in the tea and coffee cupboard… legitimate place to have put it back, right?
Frozen fruit is my current addiction - watermelon and banana… blueberries too - pure nectar!
Yes, this week has been HOT in the UK… but I’ve adored it - the warmth of the sun on my skin is my version of zen.
… as is being outdoors first thing in the morning and late into the evening (I think I said that last week, but I like it ok?)
Warm weather calls for fresh & vibrant salads; all the best seasonal fruits and veggies, tumbled together with a little protein and slicked with oil or a dressing - carbs to mop it all up - dreamy!
On Wednesday, I discovered ‘Sumac’ - I think it tastes like salt and balsam vinegar flavour Kettle Chips - and I’m a MEGAFAN!
On Thursday, I fancied a sip of beer, not beer actually, something like a Corona which I’m sure some people would argue is poor beer, nevertheless I fancied just a drop… I don’t like beer and I seldom drink alcohol, so it was a strange craving to acquire.
The smell of cooking tomatoes, garlic and onion reminds me of Spain…
… and the whiff of suntan lotion, is a comforting reminder of holidays when I was young.
Peonies are my favourite flower, especially the pink ones… if I ever get married, my wedding will be very small and intimate, probably in Italy (of course) and peonies will be my flower of choice.
Razors should come with a warning sign… I swear I risk carving off a different wedge of shin with each shave I perform. Anyway, I’m relieved to report that this week's trim remained a blood-free zone, I DO seem to have a tramline of hair remaining up the centre of my right calf, but we can’t have everything eh?
… that’s eleven whole things to be grateful for, I’ll take that for now! I also am holding on to the, possibly over-used but for me, very powerful quote:
‘Everything will be ok in the end and if it’s not ok, it’s not the end’
PREACH!
Due to my aforementioned mood, and toil with writing this week, I’m keeping things fairly snappy (I’m sorry!!!). Don’t worry, I have a REALLY delicious summer salad recipe for you to try below, PLUS the pineapple upside down pudding recipe, AND over on TCC+, you can find my perfect wood fired pizza recipe.
Hope you have all had a lovely week… if not, mine has been a bit rocky too - we’re in it together and I’m sending hugs.
Right, recipe time…
‘Piyaz’ with quinoa, egg and a creamy lemon tahini dressing
As I mentioned above, I love a good salad in the Summer, and I’m always on the lookout for something a little different to try. This week, I stumbled across the Turkish dish, ‘Piyaz’, traditionally made from white beans, onion, parsley, and sumac, often with tomato too. A little research informs me that the dish alters in its composition and preparation from region to region, sometimes with the addition of tahini, hard boiled eggs, alternative beans and even potato.
I feel like a bit of a fraud trying to replicate a dish when I have never tried an authentic version… but it’s certainly been my inspiration here and I hope that, to some extent, I have done it justice. I have included quinoa and egg in my version - to bulk it out a bit - as well as a healthy drizzle of creamy tahini dressing.
You can enjoy this as a main meal, or serve it up as a side salad, and it’s a great option for weekday lunches. I recommend, as ever, using good quality ingredients - jarred or dried white beans (cooked yourself), local veggies, and a good quality tahini.
*I should also add that the final recipe is loosely based on legend, Meliz Berg’s, version of this dish… if you like Turkish-Cypriot cuisine, you must check out some of her recipes, they’re fool proof and utterly delicious.
Serves 2 as a main or 4 as a side
Ingredients
Salad:
240g drained, white beans, (Good quality is best here – I use Bold Bean co, but Navarrico & Perellò are also fab.)
60g raw quinoa
1 banana shallot (80-100g) finely sliced
Grated zest of 1/2 lemon
1 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
½ large garlic clove grated (save remainder for dressing)
6 tbsp fresh parsley, stalks removed (finely chopped)
2 tbsp fresh mint, stalks removed (finely chopped)
225g (~ 16) Vine Cherry tomatoes, quartered
~10 black olives roughly chopped - optional
1/2 tsp Aleppo pepper flakes (OR - 1/4 sweet paprika, ¼ tsp cayenne pepper if you can’t find Aleppo)
1 tsp Sumac
1 tsp Za’atar optional
Maldon sea salt (to taste)
Pinch black pepper
2 large eggs, hard-boiled, peeled, and cut into quarters
Olive oil to drizzle optional
For the Tahini dressing:
1 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
35g tahini
25ml freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 tsp red wine vinegar
½ Large garlic clove, finely grated
½ tsp dried mint
pinch coarse black pepper
a pinch of sea salt flakes to taste
~20 ml cold water to loosen
Method
For the salad, drain the white beans, and pat dry. Cook the quinoa according to the packet instructions* and leave to cool.
Combine the shallot, lemon juice, zest, and garlic in a bowl and leave to macerate for 10 minutes.
Meanwhile, add the herbs, tomatoes, olives (if you are using them), and spices to the white beans, stir to combine. Season with salt and pepper to taste, and drizzle with a little oil if you wish.
For the dressing, combine all the ingredients less the water in a small bowl. Slowly add the water to loosen, it should resemble double cream consistency. Refrigerate until required. (I find the dressing can thicken after a little while in the fridge, I add a little extra water to loosen it back up again as necessary!)
To assemble, combine the cooked cooled quinoa, bean mixture, and macerated shallots in a large bowl, drizzle over the dressing and toss to combine. Top with the eggs and serve.
*TIP: for perfect quinoa: I thoroughly rinse and drain the raw quinoa and place it in a saucepan. I then add 3 times the weight of water to dry weight of quinoa (60g quinoa means 180g water), I place the pan over a medium heat and bring it to the boil. Once boiling I leave it to simmer, covered for around 10-15minutes or until the water has almost completely been absorbed and the quinoa looks cooked - when the little grains have uncoiled/plumped up - very occasionally I find I have to add a trickle more water during the cooking time, but generally this ratio works. I then turn off the heat and just leave it – I do not stir or agitate it at this point, just leave it covered, for a good 20-30 minutes before fluffing with a fork - TA DA!
Mum’s Pineapple upside down pudding
Having decided I wanted to make a pineapple upside down pudding for Dad this week, I dug out Mum’s recipe - taken from an old M&S recipe book. I read it, and immediately decided that I knew best, so I meddled with it; I used a cake tin instead of a baking dish, I lined the base with parchment, I decided to up the quantity a of cake batter a touch, because it sounded too little, I omitted the extra baking powder - I figured it should rise well enough without the extra BP boost - and I reduced the cooking time, and temperature, (A LOT), as it seemed like FOREVER to bake such a small amount of cake.
To some extent, this is an example of being a baking idiot… I wouldn’t say it was a complete failure, but it didn’t caramelise as I expected, and it ended up having a slightly ‘soggy’ top when I turned it out. In truth, it wasn’t a total failure AT all - in fact it tasted GREAT, but it wasn’t ‘Mum’s pud’… so on Wednesday, with Mum’s watchful eye over me, we replicated EXACTLY what she used to do… the same brown dish, the pineapple patted nice and dry (I had also missed this stage), the same quantity of batter as is stated in the recipe (inc the extra baking powder), and a similar cooking time - the result was indescribable - it appeared slightly over-baked at the edges but the colour was deceiving, it had the perfect crunchy texture and tasted just like caramel. Meanwhile the sponge was soothingly tender, and the pineapple kept everything wonderfully moist. The warming caramel notes from the golden syrup were heavenly and I completely understood Dad’s fondness for this pudding.
If you give this one a go, I really recommend baking it in a baking dish of similar dimensions to those mentioned below - and serving it hot as a pudding although it does keep reasonably well. We used the creaming method over the all-in-one method, but that’s just preference and baked at a slightly lower temp for a little less time than stated in the original recipe - see my method below. If you would prefer to try this as a cake, I suggest baking it in an 8-inch, round cake tin (don’t use a spring form or loose bottomed tin as the syrup may leak out) for at least 35 minutes. I also would suggest NOT lining the base or your tin with parchment as this may promote caramelisation, but I haven’t tried this so can’t promise that it won’t stick!
If you do try this one, do let me know what you think. I also have taken a picture of the original recipe for you to see - below - because it’s cute!
Ingredients
120g (4 x decent tbsp) golden syrup
1 x tin of pineapple rings in juice you will need around 5-6 rings
100g Unsalted butter plus extra for greasing
100g Caster sugar
100g Eggs (out of shell) approx 2 medium
100g Self raising flour
1 tsp baking powder
Method
Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan. Liberally grease a 1.2L pudding dish (ours was a 25x15cm oval shape) with butter, add the golden syrup to the dish and spread over the base AND sides using a warm spoon. Pat the pineapple rings as dry as possible with kitchen paper and neatly arrange in the base of the dish – you may need to halve a few to get them to fit - and set aside.
Next, sift the flour into a bowl and add the baking powder, briefly mix to combine. In the bowl of a stand mixer, beat the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy, add the eggs incrementally beating well between each addition. Finally add the flour mixture and gently fold through until homogenous.
Spoon the batter over the pineapple rings and level with a palette knife. Bake in the oven for 40 minutes or until risen and a deep golden, it may go quite dark at the edges.
Once baked, remove from the oven and leave to stand for 5 minutes before carefully turning out onto a serving platter. Enjoy hot with custard, cream, ice cream (coconut ice cream would be a PERFECT accompaniment here) or, as I did, with thick mascarpone.
A few other notes
Courgettes are tasting REALLY sweet right now - get involved!
I’m currently ~ 50% strawberry… and LOVING it!
I REALLY want to make this lemon sorbet… and you should probably too because it looks mega and doesn’t involve an ice cream machine - winner!!!
This video made me laugh - I’m pretty sure I adopted this principle as a child - I also love the message behind it.
OK, friends, I’m desperately sorry but that’s all I’ve got for you this week. Don’t forget, you can find my wood-fired pizza recipe over on TCC+ and most importantly… I’m sending love, hugs, and positivity to you all as always!
Steph X X X
It’s actually really helpful when you talk about your struggles - there are so many of us out there, also struggling, and somehow it helps to know that we’re not alone. And the fact that you are able to pull yourself up and bake, gives me inspiration that I could at least try and do something as well. I always look forward to your messages. I just wanted you to know that you are helping so many people. xx
Yes the holiday can bring on emotions we just don't need put upon us at a specific date. I understand, and know you must miss your father terribly.
Looking forward to making your salad suggestion. Don't have sumac but it appears coriander is a good sub. Have a nice week. Scott