#40 La Dolce Vita

Good Morning lovely people! How are we?

Welcome to another week of The Comfort Chronicles. I’m so grateful, as ever, to have you here.

Another week has passed, and I feel like I really need a good old comfort chat with you all! This week has just been a bit of a muddle; it’s felt chaotic, yet unfulfilling, I’ve not stopped but seemingly have very little to show for it, I’m seeking things I don’t have, I’ve had feelings of self-pity and shame (two of the most self-sabotaging emotions to dwell in), I feel tired without reason, and I.just.want.a.hug.

I’m not sure if anyone else finds this relatable, but some weeks feel easy, they have purpose, and even if they’re busy, they is  a degree of flow about them. Others meanwhile have me feeling completely at sea - a bit out of sorts, uneasy and somewhat lost. If you’ve been around here for a while, you’ll know that I have more of a propensity for the latter, and thus it possibly comes as no surprise that, I have again been feeling a bit flat.

What makes it worse is that the sun has made an appearance, I’ve enjoyed some really fab food, I’ve had good conversations, and a great physio appointment; I have SO much to be grateful for and I’m blooming lucky… but, unfortunately, my tendency to slip into a more negative mindset has prevailed and I’m a little ashamed to admit it.

The shame I feel as a consequence, only makes me feel more guilty, and so a vicious cycle of shame and guilt ensues. Through the (at times, toxic) lens of social media I see happiness, positivity, friendship, love and connection, I see ‘flawless’, drool worthy looking food, beautiful houses, breath-taking seascapes and nature, I see wealth, ‘success’, and the image of perfection in the lives of others which all push me further into a state of despair and hopelessness. Now, I’m WELL aware of the positive bias that social media presents, and I remind myself of this daily, but when I’m already feeling a bit fragile, external influences seem more powerful and my ability to rationalise gets weaker. The upshot… a sad state of feeling negative, useless, without, and a bit pitiful - and I’m NOT proud of feeling this way!
I do, however, find that the Universe has a clever way of giving me some perspective when I start feeling like this. Ironically, this week it came to me first via social media - ironic given that this had also been one of a few triggers for me feeling pretty low - and second, a newspaper article. The former was simply a post shared by endurance athlete and wellness advocate Rich Roll that both resonated with me, and made me feel less alone in my thoughts. The post read as follows:

I'm pretty low key and introverted. Kind of emo. Things like enthusiasm, gratitude and joy don't always come naturally. Even though my life is positively unreal, I still often find it hard to connect with uplifting emotions-and then feel guilty for it, which only further entrenches the cycle and affirms a more negative-leaning default state.

Rich went on to say that he found himself purposefully having to ‘act’ in a way which countered his natural tendencies; attempting to think and behave in the same way as he supposed a ‘joyful’ and ‘grateful’ person may act. With practice, he believes that these feelings become easier to access and connect with.

I found Rich’s description of his natural disposition, SO relatable, even down to the feeling of having to act in a particular way to ‘fit in’ with how I feel happy people behave, and it really made me feel less alone. I’m not sure I relate so much to the sense that the repeated mirroring of others makes feelings of joy and gratitude more accessible over time, but I certainly relate to his inherent state of mind.

My second source of reassurance came via this article in the Guardian. In short it discusses the fact that positivity is not a state we HAVE to feel, despite what we are so often told. Feelings of unease, sadness, worry and negativity are a natural response to the world right now, and we shouldn’t feel the need to fight these feelings. Instead, it’s about learning to process the emotions, acknowledge and sit with the feelings, talk about them with others and ultimately make them feel less scary. Regret is normal but should not define you, mistakes should teach you things and empower you for the future, not hang over you menacingly.

The ultimate premise being, that processing negative emotions may not leave you feeling happy or with a neat fix, but should feel somewhat productive in the end. You can acknowledge that an experience or circumstance was, or even IS currently, really hard, but either, you’re not dealing with it anymore and should move on, or you’re coping as best you can right now, and that’s really admirable. I realise it’s easier said than done but it seems like a sensible argument and thus a state of mind I have tried to engage over the last day or so.

OK… I’ve now waffled a LOT about my state of melancholy… you need to hear the little moments of beauty and ultimately comfort.

• I mentioned my physio appointment above - well, it was fabulous. I go to Chris feeling a bit broken - often in both mind and body - and come away feeling lithe, rejuvenated and more confident from head to toe. (I swear physios should double up as therapists - they’re honestly miracle workers!)

• Kisses in the sky - I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before but the morning after my grandad (an absolute hero of mine) died I opened the blinds to a blanket of aeroplane contrails in the sky that formed perfect crosses. From this day, Mum and I have had a sense that this is Grandpa sending kisses from above - the truth of this is obviously unfounded but it serves to comfort us when we need it. This week he’s been scattering them around with abandon, and I love it!

  

• The smell of wisteria - we are lucky enough to have a beautiful wisteria growing at the front of our house. I walked out one afternoon to take Olive for a walk and was hit with the most wonderful aroma - besides the brightness and colour of spring/summer, the smells are also unrivalled.

  

• … I’m also loving seeing the little areas locally - in peoples gardens and on grass verges - where people have chosen to grow a wildflower meadow. Not only are these patches STUNNING - abundant with majestic flowers and grasses, bursting with colour - they also create a lively feeding and nesting ground for insects, birds and small animals.

• The power of exercise - I’m a chronic fidgeter - I just hate not doing stuff… even when I’m tired, I can’t sit still - so getting out and exercising isn’t usually a hardship for me. I love a walk or to take myself to the gym to play around for a bit. Recently though, I’ve just found myself a bit unenthused by the prospect of getting out of the house. I’ve spent days at home where I just haven’t stopped, but on these days, I have also been a bit reluctant to set foot out into the big wide world. This week though, having forced myself over to the gym, I acknowledged the power of slightly increasing my heart rate, feeling strong, and clearing my mind of whatever else was plaguing in that day. I know exercise isn’t something that appeals to everyone, and it looks different for us all, but it always astonishes me just how therapeutic a bit of movement can be.

• An Italian themed week. It’s no secret that I love all things Italian, I’ve now watched Stanley Tucci’s ‘Searching for Italy’ documentary so many times that I’m nearly at the stage of being able to recite the words - slightly embarrassing! This week, I’ve channelled some of my passion and the infectious Italian joy into my bakes and cooking… and, it’s been MARVELLOUS. From focaccia and pasta to ricotta cake and Maritozzi, my tummy has been very happy - obviously I’m sharing the recipes with you below, and I’m excited for you to try them!
  *I should add, I’ve been utterly devastated to learn of the awful flooding that has occurred in the Emilia Romagna region of Italy. I’m sending so much love & strength to those that have been affected, I cannot imagine what they must be going through right now.

  

  

  Images from Italian themed week Left to right, top to bottom: Ligurian focaccia; pesto bianco linguine; lemon, vanilla, ricotta olive oil cake; lemon curd & cream Maritozzi

Without further ado… let’s get cracking with these recipes…

Focaccia Ligure

I first came across this style of focaccia watching the Netflix documentary Salt.Fat.Acid.Heat featuring Queen of cooking, Samin Nosrat. I then salivated watching Tucci enjoy the most perfect looking hunk of this good stuff* in the Ligurian episode of the second series of Searching for Italy (the specific place he visited was called Antico Forno della Casana. and I’m determined to seek it out myself one day). If that wasn’t enough motivation to have a go myself, my pastry idol Nicola lamb produced a newsletter delving into the nuances of this dough delicacy, with her guidance, I felt suitably informed to have a go myself. Sadly I’m yet to try an authentic Italian version, but I would imagine it can only be better than this version… and let me tell you, this one is pretty epic so the real version must be off the charts!

Ligurian focaccia is thin at around 2cm max and it apparently ranges across the region from spongey to crisp and almost biscuit hard ‘focaccia secca’ (dry focaccia). One variation which, incidentally looks epic, is stuffed with a soft creamy cheese, and besides the classic (oil and salt) they are often topped with herbs, olives or onions which varies throughout the year - presumably based on the seasonality of ingredients (which I love). One thing that seems to really distinguish the good from the great is the quality of the olive oil you use, if you can, seek out some really beautiful EVOO, it’ll undoubtedly enhance the outcome. Here I have replicated the more common version affectionately dimpled, full of flavour, oily, salty, and frankly DELICIOUS! The recipe below is very much inspired by Nicola’s version with a few tweaks. Yes, it needs a little pre-planning in terms of timing, but the dough is a dream to work with, and the outcome will transport you to Italy, so it’s worth it I promise.

Ingredients

Preferment

75g 00 flour
75g water
1/8 tsp (0.5g) Instant dried yeast

Main dough

160g 00 flour
75g Plain flour
3g Instant dried yeast
5g sea salt
115g Water lukewarm
20g Extra virgin Olive oil
10g Malt extract

Brine

50g Water
2.5g salt

2 Tbsp Extra virgin Olive oil plus extra for greasing the tray.

Method

Prepare the preferment by combining the flour, water and yeast in a bowl. Leave overnight 12-16 hours to get active and bubbly - it should be risen and covered in bubbles.

For the main dough, measure the flours in the bowl of a stand mixer, add the yeast to one side of the bowl and the salt to the other. Meanwhile, combine the water, oil and malt extract in a jug, then add to the dry ingredients along with all of the preferment. Mix on medium until the dough just comes together. Leave to autolyse for 20 minutes. Once autolysed, mix on medium speed for around 8 minutes or until it is smooth, elastic and passes the windowpane test. Transfer the dough to an oiled container, cover and leave to prove in a warm environment for 90 minutes to 1 hour.

Once well risen, line a … baking tray with parchment. Next turn the dough out onto a slightly floured work surface. Gently press down with your fingers stretching it out to roughly the size of your baking tray. Spread 2 tbsp of oil onto the lined baking tray, then transfer your dough very gently onto it gently pressing it to the edges. Pop in a large bag and leave to prove for another hour or until puffed up. Meanwhile, prepare the brine by combining the water and salt in a jar - set aside.

Once puffy, uncover the dough and pour over the oil and brine. Use your fingers to dimple the surface of the dough all over. Cover once more and leave for a final 30-45 minutes or until puffy. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 250C/230C fan. Once fully proofed, add a final sprinkle of Maldon flaky salt to the surface of the dough, and bake in the oven for 10 minutes, then drop the temperature to 220C/200C fan, and continue to bake for 5-7 minutes or until golden. Once baked, remove from the oven, add a final drizzle of oil to the top of the focaccia and spread evenly over the surface using a pastry brush. Leave to cool (if you can resist) before serving - I challenge you not to eat the LOT!

Pesto Bianco

Naturally, my week of Italian themed food featured pasta (more than once) - pasta is the Italian love language, right? When it comes to pasta, I prefer simpler dishes; no fuss, just quality ingredients coming together in harmony. I could eat bowls of Pasta pommodoro (occasionally with a little something creamy - mascarpone, burrata), Pasta alla Norma, and puttanesca every.single.day, the nostalgic power of a bowl of simple spinach and ricotta ravioli with a tomato or butter sauce is unrivalled, and vibrant fresh pesto tossed through any pasta shape or variety, eaten al fresco, is pure heaven.

Recently, I’ve also been loving the use of ricotta as a creamy base for pasta dishes… actually, you will notice I have been loving Ricotta in pretty much everything from cakes to sandwiches. I really feel like ricotta is an overlooked and undervalued ingredient; mild, creamy, sweet, custard-y, perfection.

I use it as an accompanying sauce for sautéed garlicky mushrooms which is wonderful, I’ve blended it with spinach for a stunning pop-eye green sauce, and this week I used it as the base for a style of white pesto (pesto bianca)… and honestly it was EPIC.

The inspiration for this dish initially came (again) from Tucci - sorry, I know you’re bored of me harping on about him! One of the countless dishes he enjoyed was called Pansotti con preboggion- a herb filled pasta parcel served in a walnut sauce. I subsequently saw pasta queen, Rosie Mackean, whip up a riff on this sauce which included ricotta - naturally I was sold. So here, with thanks to Tucci and Rosie, is my tweak on Pesto Bianco - it’s creamy, nutty, light and fresh yet suitably comforting. Serve it with griddled British asparagus and you have a very special thing!

Serves 2

Ingredients

160g linguine (I use wholewheat)
Zest of ½ small lemon + squeeze of lemon juice
1 garlic clove grated
20g Walnuts toasted, skins removed
Flaky sea salt
100g Ricotta
15ml Olive oil
15g Parmesan grated, plus extra to sprinkle.
A good pinch of:
freshly grated nutmeg*
Freshly ground black pepper*
*to taste

Method

Add the grated garlic, lemon zest and a squeeze of lemon juice to a pestle and mortar and leave for around 15 minutes. Add the walnuts and a pinch of salt and grind to a paste. Next add the ricotta, parmesan, oil, nutmeg, and black pepper and mix through.

Meanwhile, cook your linguine in salted water until al dente – reserve a cup full of the starchy pasta water before draining. Transfer the ricotta mixture to a frying pan placed over a low heat, loosen with a glug of pasta water, and stir until saucy, added the pasta to the sauce and toss to combine, add a little more water to loosen if necessary and agitate the mix until all of the pasta is coated in the creamy sauce. Serve with more grated parmesan, lemon zest and black pepper. A little griddled asparagus is also a great accompaniment.

Lemon, ricotta, Olive oil cake.

I mentioned a few weeks back that I wasn’t a die-hard cake fan. Don’t get me wrong, cake is good, but, generally speaking, I don’t need much of it to satisfy my cake-y desires and, more often than not, I will forego it for other things… like bread (you should all know this by now).

HOWEVER, this, my friends, is a cake that I could quite possibly devour in one day (slight exaggeration, but I could certainly knock back a couple of slices without blinking!) Unfortunately, I cannot take all of the credit for this beauty, it is loosely based on a recipe by the insanely talented and lovely Letitia Clarke. Here I use semolina in place of ground almonds and opt for lemon and vanilla to complement the extra virgin olive oil and ricotta used in the cake. I have also slightly tweaked proportions and top my cake with a scattering of pine nuts which honestly bring this cake to LIFE for me! (Side note – anyone else a devil human who picks the nuts/fruit off the top of cake or bread… or is it just me?) Besides the frankly transcendent flavour of this cake, it’s a doddle to prepare, keeps for days (it actually improves I find), and as cakes go, it’s pretty ‘nutritious’ (I mean all cake is nutritious in my book, this one just feels especially so!)

Aside from its eating appeal, this humble little cake transports me (momentarily) to Italy – where I’d really LOVE to be right now. I’m rarely that confident about my recipes, not because I don’t meticulously test them, I do, but more so because I just don’t trust or rate myself and I worry that I won’t have explained myself properly. This one though is worth getting your mixing bowl out to prepare and switching your oven on to bake.

Lemon, Ricotta, Olive oil cake

Ingredients

150g Caster sugar
Zest of 3 lemons
180g Ricotta
1 tsp Vanilla extract
3 large eggs
135g Extra virgin olive oil
110g Plain flour sifted
75g Fine semolina mine was from M&S
1.5 level tsp Baking powder
¼ tsp sea salt

Optional 30-35g pine nuts to top.
Icing sugar for dusting

Method

Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan. Grease & line a deep 8-inch round springform tin with baking parchment (you can also bake this in a 2lb loaf tin if you would prefer a loaf cake vibe).

Combine the flour, baking powder, semolina, and salt in a mixing bowl, use a balloon whisk to slightly aerate. Next measure the sugar and lemon zest into a large bowl, rub together with your fingertips. Add the ricotta and vanilla, and mix until combined.

Meanwhile, crack the eggs into a large bowl, add the olive oil, and whisk just to combine. Add the ricotta mix to the eggs/oil, and whisk again until homogenous. Next add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and stir until just combined and you have a smooth-ish wet batter.

Pour into the prepared tin, sprinkle over the pine nuts if you are using them and bake for around 30-35 minutes (50-55 minutes for a loaf cake) or until a skewer inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean - the cake may have cracked a bit on top, and may appear a bit pale in areas - don’t be fooled into thinking it’s not baked, if the skewer comes out clean, it’s done! Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Once cooled completely, liberally dust with icing sugar and serve as is or with a dollop of mascarpone. I’m warning you now this cake isn’t much of a looker, but a dusting of icing sugar is all it needs to give it some sparkle. The cake also lasts really well - I think it gets better on day 2/3!

Other bits

• Live Italian … yep, another Italian documentary. It’s a new three-part travelogue on Amazon Prime Video featuring Jack Whitehall, Maya Jam and Lawrence Dallaglio. The main premise behind the series was all about taking things easy… which I love! Ok so it’s not the most imaginative concept, or thrilling entertainment, but it’s hard not to enjoy the humour, joy, and breath-taking landscapes. Defo worth a watch if you need some pre-bed light-hearted entertainment!

• A mini adventure - next week, Mum, Olive and I are heading off to Oxfordshire for a couple of days to see some friends and explore a bit. We are really looking forward to the change of scenery, but having lived in our bubble without venturing far for a quite a while now, we’re also a bit apprehensive - it’s that upset to our routine, fear or the unknown and a general amount of anxiety and worry - standard!!

• … based on the above, I may need your patience in terms of next weekend’s newsletter. I’m really hoping to be able to put pen to paper and tell you all about my foodie discoveries and trip… but I also know myself; I often get back from trips like this and completely lack any ability to focus or snap back into my routine. I hope you understand and apologise in advance if I fail to deliver!

• The prospect of better weather on the horizon. I’m cautiously optimistic that the weather may be set to improve a bit…. the BBC forecast looks promising and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it’s vaguely accurate!

Ok, that’s your lot from me this week. You can find my lemon curd and vanilla Chantilly cream filled Martiozzi over on TCC+ if you fancy a final flourish of Italian sparkle.

Other than that, I hope you are all having a thoroughly fantastic, sun-filled weekend!

Love and hugs to you all!

Steph xxx