#28 Trying to Get My Groove Back

Hello lovely people! So sorry for my absence, I’ll be honest with you, getting back into the swing of things has been a real struggle. Besides the emotion wrapped up in the last few weeks, (fear and loneliness have been at an all time high), I just feel LIKE EVERYTHING is a massive effort (I know, I know, story of my life!!!). I’ve just about managed to force myself out of the door for work each day, meanwhile any remaining time has been spent either gearing myself up for the days spent in work or debating what other stuff I ‘should’ or ‘would like’ to be doing but not actually doing anything constructive.

Needless to say, my baking and cooking time has been distressingly limited and occasional forays into my foodie haven have been something of an epic failure… with the exception of: some BEAUTIFUL marigold coloured mayonnaise, my FAVOURITE comfort lentil bolognese, and a pretty mean Banoffee pie last Sunday; recipe suggestions below.

I’m not saying I ever find life easy, but somehow, everything feels more complicated at the moment, like each task (big or small) is a huge hurdle to anticipate, fear, and eventually, clamber over - I’m even talking baking. I have been SO keen to throw some Christmassy shapes in the kitchen - literally my mind has been exploding with ideas - and yet I seem incapable of consolidating or organising my thoughts; fixing on which idea to focus on first and thus how best to approach it. Not only that, when I use any form of energy around the house, I feel guilty. Oh, and on that note, I’m cold…. like really cold, purple-cold… all of the time… that is until I end up in somewhere very warm, when I (quite comically) transition into Rudolph as I start to thaw - honestly, I’m such a catch!!!

Other things I have struggled with of late:

• Socialising… I’ve REALLY forced myself to do it… but I just feel like I get it all wrong at the moment, like I’m a bit (a lot) boring and miserable and just chat too much about myself… like right now - oh the irony!

• Water… I love a glass of water… but not right now, it’s not comforting enough, warm drinks are all I fancy right now!

• Remembering things. My brain is literally sifting out 90% of the input, which is both annoying and naturally makes me worry!!

Despite all the challenges, a few things that have bought me REAL comfort in the last few weeks and I’m genuinely so grateful for them… so here are my top comforters:

• First up: routine has been a big one, my life has been incredibly lacking in ‘normality’ of late, yet brief moments of predictability - you know the everyday-moments that usually pass you by - they have been golden! My favourite Canna coffee with frothy oat milk straight after breakfast, early morning walks to the local shops - yes it’s dark and cold (both less pleasant), but there is something incredibly peaceful about the World at that time of day and LAYERS… I’m talking fleeces, coats, hot water bottles, gloves, more fleeces - Michelin man is the way to be!

• Animal cuddles… they’re so soft and fluffy and warm - a very marvellous drug!

• Stanley… yes I’m talking about Stanley Tucci again, I’m still in love… I tell everyone about him (like he’s my best mate)… I’m rewatching series one of his show ‘Searching for Italy’… I also love all the people he meets!

• A meal out - I forced myself out of the house for a meal this week with Mum and a friend - I know, it was bold!!! We went to a fabulous pub a short drive away called The Fox and Barrell (I highly recommend it if you are based near Chester or ever venture this way), its the perfect blend of traditional British country pub and sophisticated fine dining, I also happen to know the owner/head chef there; he and his team are a marvellous, extremely talented bunch, so a visit there feels like popping to a friends. For my meal, I had Stone bass on a red pepper stew-thingy with THE most delicious prawn tortellini (I’ve really NOT done this dish justice with my write up but hear me when I say it was EXCELLENT) - (note to self, need to learn how to make prawn tortellini) - followed by a selection of desserts between us: the passion fruit and white chocolate cheesecake with coconut ice cream, plus a wicked biscotti served with a mango sorbet were my personal favourites.

• Hearing of other peoples vulnerabilities, struggles and similarly challenging times. Functioning is hard when you feel pants, right? But what inevitably makes us feel worse (I find) is the idea that others are bossing it; that they are bobbing through life happy, carefree and successful. As it turns out, a lot of people aren’t, and more often than not, the ones that look like they have really got their lives together, are struggling most, if not the same amount. I’m not sure if it’s incredibly unkind of me to take comfort from hearing that other people struggle too… but the reality is, that not feeling alone with my thoughts, does kinda help!

• Your loveliness - I cannot emphasise HOW wonderful it is to receive such lovely messages from people… I have had so many notes of support, kindness and love - it really means more than you would ever realise so THANK YOU!

Right, I’ve chatted enough - now time for some recipe magic…

Lentil Bolognese

Bolognese has to be one of the ultimate comfort dinners right? This is my lentil and veggie version and it’s a bit of all-right I think! My top tip is that I always prepare it well in advance of serving… like a day before. I like to let the cooked ‘ragu’ sit and infuse overnight - I swear it brings so much more flavour to the final dish!

Ingredients

1.5 Tbsp Olive oil
1 aubergine sliced into approx. 1 cm discs
1 red onion – finely chopped
3 fresh bay leaves
1 celery stick chopped
1 medium carrot peeled and chopped
2 garlic cloves grated
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tbsp tomato puree
1 tin crushed tomatoes
150ml red wine
Approx. 100ml hot water
1 x 250g pouch merchant gourmet puy lentils
1 tsp marmite
10g dark chocolate
150g chestnut mushrooms roughly chopped into chunks (quarters)
Handful basil – roughly chopped

To serve

Spaghetti
Parmesan

Method

Preheat the oven to 180C fan. Line a baking tray with parchment, arrange the sliced aubergine on the baking tray, sprinkle with salt and drizzle with 1/2 tbsp of the olive oil. Roast in the oven for approx. 20 minutes, turning halfway through. Once roasted, remove from the oven and chop into chunks - I use scissors to do this. Set aside until needed later.

Meanwhile, place a large saucepan over a medium heat and add 1 tbsp of oil, fry off the onion, for 10 minutes with the bay. Add the celery and carrot, cook for further 10 minutes or until softened. Next add the crushed garlic clove and cook for a minute followed by the tomato puree, stir to coat the veg and leave to cook for another minute or so. Add the lentils, tomatoes, wine, half of the water and stir. Bring to a gentle simmer before adding the chocolate, marmite and oregano.  Cover and cook for 20  minutes. After 20 minutes, add the roasted aubergine and mushrooms, cook for a further 10-15 minutes or until the mushrooms have softened – add a dash more water to loosen as necessary. When ready to serve, add a handful of chopped fresh basil. Serve with spaghetti and heaps of grated parmesan.

Mayo

I had a spare egg yolk lurking this week and decided the best place for it was in some mayo… I also find the magic of making mayonnaise really quite thrilling (honestly I’m so cool!!) which obv made it even more worthwhile. Below is a basic recipe, once you mastered the knack of preparing it, the possibilities are endless!
(Note: I made the recipe below exclusively with rapeseed oil which is what gives it this beautiful colour, you can absolutely do this but it does then carry a LOT of flavour, I would recommend using half rapeseed and an alternative neutral oil for a more mellow flavour)

Ingredients

2 Large egg yolks
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp of white wine vinegar
300ml of neutral oil, (grapeseed or sunflower)
Sea Salt

Method

Combine the yolks in a large jug, add the mustard, vinegar and salt and whisk until thoroughly incorporated

Slowly drizzle in the oil in a steady stream, whisking all the time, until a thick, pale yellow emulsion forms - you have to embrace your inner confidence here!

Check the seasoning before serving - with boiled egg, lemon, capers and dill smashed between a sandwich… or any other form you like!

TIPS

• Use a jug - I find a large, flat-bottomed, pyrex jug doesn’t move around when you are whisking - some people suggest placing a bowl on a tea towel to keep it secure, but I still end up with it dancing around all over the work top - I vote jug!

• Halve the recipe - if you are new to making mayo and just fancy having a go because the scientific wizardry is something that excites you - I get it because this is exactly how I feel when I make it, then half the recipe, it can be a little harder to work with as there is less ‘ingredient’ to mix, but I find it still works.

• Variations - there are endless variations out there from curry and beetroot to garlic, chilli, lime and rosemary - the worlds your mayo adorned oyster! Using half olive oil, avocado/nut oil, (or rapeseed like I did), brings a bit more flavour to the end result so can be worth experimenting with!

• Troubleshooting - I recently found this article which talks about things that can go wrong and how to avoid them and even rectify them - I highly recommend giving it a quick read before you have a go!

Banoffee Pie

I made this last Sunday during a recipe testing mission… I have since seen it pop up on my instagram feed (in relation to Love Actually - specifically, Keira Knightley’s infamous Banoffee pie scene) at least 3 times - clearly Banoffee pie is on peoples’ minds at the moment. So I thought it was only right that I share with you my ‘level-up version’ here. It’s SUPER simple to prepare, cheap in terms of energy usage and goes down a TREAT - let me know if you give it a go!

Ingredients

Biscuit base

265g pack of Chocolate Digestive biscuits
80g Unsalted butter melted
75g Toasted pecans
Pinch of flaky sea salt

300g Banana sliced into rounds

Toffee layer

75g Unsalted butter
75g Light brown Muscovado sugar
397g tin condensed milk
Large pinch of flaky sea salt

Coffee cream

300ml double cream
1 tbsp Soft light brown sugar
1 tbsp Espresso coffee powder

1 x Flake bar chopped to create shavings

Method

Grease the base and sides of a 23cm tart tin or a loose-bottomed round tin. Place the digestives in a food processor and pulse to form fine crumbs. Add the pecans and salt and pulse again until the mixture is sandy. Finally, with the mixer running, pour in the melted butter and continue to pulse until the mixture resembles a wet sand consistency. Dump out into the tin and press the mixture into the base and sides in an even layer using a flat bottomed glass. Refrigerate for 30 minutes or until firm.

Next make the ‘toffee’ layer. Combine the butter and sugar in a saucepan and place over a low heat. Stir until melted, syrupy and the sugar has dissolved. Add the condensed milk, stir to combine then bring to the boil, stirring continuously for around 2 minutes – it’s super important to keep stirring to avoid it catching on the bottom of the pan and don’t let it boil for too long or it will become a bit too firm when it sets. Remove from the heat, add the salt, stir through, and pour on top of the chilled biscuit base. Return the tin to the fridge and chill a couple of hours – up to 24 hours.

When ready to serve. Combine the cream, coffee and sugar in a medium sized bowl and use an electric whisk to beat to medium/stiff peaks – don’t overwhip. Briefly set aside, remove the tin from the fridge, neatly arrange the banana over the toffee layer. A this point, I like to carefully un-mould the dessert and pop it on a serving plate. Then dollop over the cream (I take it over the edges) and swirl to make it look pretty. Scatter over the chocolate Flake shavings and chill for an hour before serving.

… And that’s a wrap

I think that’s about your lot this week - it’s admittedly a bit of a word vomiting brain dump but I was keen to pop in and say hello! As I mentioned above, I have tons of ideas that I am desperate to share with you in the next few weeks - Xmas gift ideas and bakes are high on the agenda - so will try to get my act together with them… Saying that, next week’s diary seems impossibly hectic again so… you may need to bear with me - is it acceptable to make Christmas bakes AFTER Christmas?! I’ll leave you with that thought!

Hope you are all ok. Sending the BIGGEST hugs and loads of love,

Steph xxx