#27 A Precious Life

I don’t know how to start things this week - it’s been… a lot.

You may already have seen on my Instagram but on Tuesday morning my Grandma-Sheila, passed away. It was extremely sudden and as yet, my family and I are still struggling to process the reality of the situation.

She suffered a brain haemorrhage a few days prior, which couldn’t be treated, and was subsequently provided end of life care.

Sheila was everyone’s best friend; she provided comfort, advice, support, and empathy to anyone who needed it when they were down. Meanwhile if something deserved celebrating, she’d be a part of it.

She went out of her way to accommodate EVERYONE - work colleagues respected and adored her, friends and family would call on her for ‘comfort chats’, a cup of tea, a biscuit, mini cheddars… Gin? and her selflessness was something one can only aspire to replicate.

Besides this she was a true inspiration in how she approached life; she had faced a number of adversities over the years, yet without question, she fought to not be reduced by them. Yes, she would experience sadness and misery like the rest of us, but regardless of what life chucked at her, she’d find ways to keep going with a smile.

Despite having to face grief too many times already this year, it doesn’t become any less painful to bear… I haven’t accepted the reality of the situation at all, I feel numb & confused, I find myself wondering whether I’m living a nightmare that I will wake up from soon, and once again I feel this kinda ‘self-centred’ sense of fear - what if more bad stuff happens?

In the last day or so, I’ve tried my best to think as GS would have wanted me to; to recall all our wonderful moments together - laughing till we cried, family celebrations, pina coladas on the beach in Cuba, her charming bossiness, baked egg custards, everything ‘a little bit burnt because she would forget to put a timer on’, cornflakes sprinkled with sugar, cinnamon buns/teacakes… any sweet bread product that was a vehicle for butter, sharing the excitement of my ‘secret’ Bake-Off journey before it became public… the list goes on.

My eyes are puddling a bit now but I just wanna say the biggest thank you to my friends and just everyone around me for the love and support shown to my family & I in the last few days - your kindness is SO greatly appreciated.

Finally, I’m sending out all the love and hugs to everyone… do me a favour, go give your loved ones an extra big hug, and tell them you love them… life is so very precious.

RIP Grandma XXX

p.s. I obviously haven’t had much time in the kitchen this week, but below are a couple of recipes dedicated to Grandma. There is a take on her iconic egg custard - she would probably say I’d made it too faffy because I’ve done it in individual ramekins… and in a water bath which she defo wouldn’t have bothered with, nevertheless, it’s still v.simple, it’s light yet comforting, it’s wholesome and it’s good old nostalgia food - and a simple cinnamon bun recipe from from my first book, The Joy of Baking - these delicately spiced sweet buns were one of Sheila’s favourites and are defo worth a try.

Baked Egg Custard

*Apologies for the poor photo below - it was dark and I got impatient… I promise they taste better than they look!

Ingredients

2 large eggs
255ml whole milk
1/2 tsp vanilla bean paste
30g Caster sugar
pinch of sea salt
Grated Nutmeg

Method

Preheat the oven to 150C/130C fan. Arrange 4 ramekins in a deep sided roasting dish with room between the ramekins.

Mix all of the ingredients together in a bowl. Pass through a sieve into a jug, then immediately distribute the mixture evenly amongst the ramekins. Add a liberal grating of fresh nutmeg to the top of each portion.

Next pour boiling water from the kettle into the roasting dish - to make a bain-marie - so that the water comes about 2/3 of the way up the ramekins. Then carefully transfer the roasting dish (containing the ramekins) to the oven and bake the custards for around 40-45 minutes or until set but with a wobble when you tap them - they should read approx 82C on a digital thermometer when you probe the centre of them.

Serve warm or allow to cool and refrigerate to enjoy cold with some poached fruit or a berry compote.
*you can bake this in a single large dish adopting the same technique - cooking time may vary depending on the size of your dish.

Sweet Morning Buns

Ingredients

Dough

500g Strong White bread flour
35g Softened unsalted butter cubed
25g Extra virgin Olive oil
8g sea salt
2 tsp ground Cardamom
1 tsp ground Cinnamon
45g Runny honey
7g Instant dried active yeast
1 Large egg
250ml Whole milk lukewarm

Filling

120g Unsalted butter
120g Soft light brown sugar
1Tbsp Cinnamon

Method

Combine the milk, honey, and olive oil in a bowl. Add the egg and lightly whisk to combine.

Meanwhile, weigh out flour into the bowl of a stand mixer, add the ground cardamom and cinnamon and gently mix. Next add the yeast to one side of the bowl and the salt to the other side, followed by the cubed softened butter and finally the milk mixture. Using the dough hook attachment on your mixer, mix on a medium speed for around 10-15 minutes or until the dough is smooth and elastic.

Transfer to a lightly oiled bowl covered with clingfilm and leave in a warm environment until at least doubled in size (I usually find this takes a couple of hours).

Prepare the filling. Measure out the butter, sugar and cinnamon, beat together until light and fluffy – approximately 2-3 mins.

Once the dough has doubled in size, punch the air out of it, before turning out onto a very lightly floured work surface. Using a rolling pin, roll the dough out to a rectangle approximately 40cm by 50cm (longest edge towards you).

Use a palette knife to spread the butter and sugar combo over the dough, taking it right to the edges. Tightly roll up the dough from one of the longest edges until you have a long cylindrical shape. Trim the untidy edges (these needn’t go to waste, you can still bake them off on a separate tray) before dividing into 12 equal chunks.

Transfer the 12 rolls spiral side up into a 23x30cm baking tin (or approximately equivalent) lined with baking paper. Cover loosely with clingfilm and leave to rise in the same warm environment for a further 1 hour or until approximately doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 200C (180C fan).

Once the buns have risen, remove the cling film, and bake in the oven for approximately 20-23 mins. They should be golden brown.

Once baked, remove from the oven and transfer to a cooling rack, allow to cool a little before diving in!

One more note…

Apologies once again for the sombre tone to this week - I’m not entirely sure how I’ll cope over the next couple of weeks, things may go a little quiet over here or it may become my coping mechanism to keep up with my comfort nuggets and check in with you all, but you may need to just bear with me a little bit at this time.

Hope everyone is doing ok… Sending so much love!

Steph xxx