#23 You Can't Pour From an Empty Cup

I’m not going to lie; I’ve felt pretty battered and bruised this week from the emotion of the last month or so. Various forms of work have been keeping me occupied, which, in some respects is a good thing, however, in predictable Steph fashion, I’ve found it all a bit overwhelming at times.

As I have mentioned in previous newsletters, I’m not famously good at juggling multiple things at once… and this week has been no exception, undoubtedly exacerbated by recent events. 

I’ve felt like I have had the weight of the world on my shoulders, my confidence sinks even lower than ‘normal’, I worry a lot about what other people are thinking of me, that I’m a failure and that I’m completely out of control with everything. I know that these thoughts become heightened when other areas of my life are out of kilter, so I have tried to remain rational that my anxieties will ease with time, but it’s not always that simple is it? And so there have been a few (quite a few) tears. I also find that in situations like this, I become horrendously disorganised, I obsess over minutiae and as such, achieve very little whilst getting myself in a right pickle – needless to say, I’ve been really pickling my way through this week. 

I hate to admit it but even writing this has caused me some distress. Firstly, I worry that I’m just a constant stream of sorrow and pity – do you REALLY want to hear that week in week out? I suspect not - and secondly, I’ve been really struggling to find enough time to devote to writing, and when I have come to write, I’ve felt a bit lost with what to say because it all just feels a bit… ‘meh’– consecutive evenings spent up until gone midnight staring at my computer screen after a day of work isn’t ideal and somewhat goes against the premise of the newsletter*!

It goes without saying that I ADORE connecting with you all over here; I feel unbelievable support and love, and that we really are building a little community of Comfort Chronicle-ers which I LOVE. However, as selfish as this sounds (and feels), I need to make sure I’m also comforting my own little brain in the process… so… this week may be a little shorter/less animated than I would like, and will possibly remain this way for a couple of weeks while I catch my breath a bit.

*Side note, I have even managed to develop an eye strain which has caused me huge discomfort all week (no idea if it’s from the computer & yes I know I’m absolutely ridiculous for sustaining yet ANOTHER ailment, but here we are). I ended up at the opticians on Thursday - I cried because, again I thought there was something horrific wrong with me again - obvs). I was re-assured that everything was OK but that I have a slight stigmatism(?) in the dodgy eye, a suspected eye strain and that I need to wear some glasses for a little while to give it a break - excellent!!!

A little reminder…

I spend a lot of my hours trying to please others, not letting people down and attempting to make everyone happy, but this week has been a reminder to me that I have to look out for myself too sometimes. As the saying goes:

‘You can’t pour from an empty cup’.

Don’t get me wrong, it feels horribly uncomfortable to attempt to do what is ‘right’ for me and not try to appease others first, but the point is; in order to effectively help others, I have to take care of myself too. So, if like me, you feel like you’re overwhelmed with life and spending more time living up to other peoples’ demands or expectations and feeling drained as a result, step back a bit, nurture yourself and come back with a renewed sense of energy when you are ready… fingers crossed!!!

RECIPES

In spite of how hectic and disordered this week has felt, I have managed to dedicate a few hours to cooking & baking, which always serves to calm me somewhat. Below I have shared my FAVOURITE black bean and veggie chilli recipe and a really wonderful autumn pavlova that is a bit of a project but an absolute winner if you’re entertaining guests in the next few months! As ever, if you try either of them, let me know how you get on!

Let’s get started…

Black bean and roasted veggie chilli (VG)

This one is for my little sister, she has been pestering me for the recipe for a while and I’m yet to deliver – so here you are Jess! Before everyone comes at me, this ISN’T a super hot chilli – I’ve told you before that I’m a bit tame when it comes to spice – if HOT is your thing definitely go for 1 tsp of chilli powder. Despite the lack of heat, its FULL of flavour and goodness and one of my absolute favourite comfort dinners – PLUS, it includes chocolate and peanut butter – yes you heard that right – and anything with chocolate and PB in it is a win right?

Serves 3

Ingredients

1.5 Tbsp Olive oil
1 aubergine sliced into approx. 1 cm discs
1 red pepper chopped into chunks
1 red onion – finely chopped
1 celery stick - chopped
1 carrot peeled and chopped
1 fat garlic clove crushed
1 tsp Smoked paprika
1 tsp Ground cumin
½ tsp oregano
½-1 tsp mild chilli powder
½ tbsp tomato puree
1 x 400g can Black beans drained
1 x 400g can Mutti tinned crushed tomatoes
~150ml hot water from the kettle
10g 70% dark chocolate
10g smooth peanut butter
Handful of fresh coriander – roughly chopped

To serve

Boiled rice
Guacamole – see bbc
Soured cream
Grated cheddar

Method

Preheat the oven to 180C fan. Combine ½  tbsp of olive oil with ¼ tsp smoked paprika and ¼ tsp ground cumin. Line a baking tray with parchment, combine the aubergine and red pepper in a large bowl and toss in the spiced oil, once fully coated scatter over the baking tray and roast in the oven for approx. 20-25 minutes, turning halfway through. One cooked, set aside until ready to use.

Meanwhile, place a large saucepan over a medium heat and add the remaining 1 tbsp of oil, fry off the onion, celery and carrot for 10 minutes or until softened, add the crushed garlic clove and fry for a further minute. Next add the remaining ¾ tsp smoked paprika and ¾ tsp ground cumin plus the oregano, chilli powder and tomato puree, toss the veg in the spices and fry for a minute. Add the black beans and again stir to combine before adding the tinned tomatoes, hot water, dark chocolate and peanut butter. Bring to the boil before reducing the heat to low, covering and allowing to simmering for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes, add the roasted aubergine and red pepper, stir to combine, and continue to cook for around 5 minutes. When ready to serve, add a handful of chopped fresh coriander. Serve with boiled rice, guacamole, sour cream and grated cheddar.

Autumn Fruit Pavlova

I shared this Autumn spiced pavlova on Instagram on Thursday. I developed the recipe in collaboration with Bacofoil to showcase their new & improved baking paper, which incidentally is a complete game-changer (and you can trust me on this because I don’t recommend things unless I really rate them); firstly it tears out of the box SO cleanly (previous baking papers I have used do that thing where they tear all jaggedly – SO annoying), NOTHING seems to stick to this magical stuff, bakes cook more evenly, it doesn’t curl up at the edges (an absolute peeve of mine), and it’s better for the planet. I don’t see myself buying an alternative from now on.

Now we’ve covered the baking paper, lets chat about this pav! Pavlova is one of my favourite puddings, meringue, cream, fruit – it’s just a winning combo, the perfect harmony of feather-like freshness and soothing satisfaction. Yes, there’s sticky toffee pud, melting middle chocolate puddings and syrup sponges – all incredible in their own right – but I’d still thank you more for something fruity & creamy to round off a meal. Pavlova is synonymous with summer – fresh berries, cream and meringue is the norm (which I rate HIGHLY by the way)– but personally, it should feature year-round, so I’ve adapted it a little for the cooler months to make this possible – hurrah!

Despite my love for this dessert, making meringue has always scared me A LOT. I’ve learnt, over the years, that there are MANY parameters involved when it comes to making meringue and frankly it’s a minefield – in reality, it generally tastes great even when ‘bad’ things happen, but I feel like the recipe below is a safe (ish) bet for a pretty smashing outcome. Besides environmental factors and differing ovens etc, I’ve found the key things you want to keep in mind are:

- You don’t want to whisk your egg whites on too high a speed.

- Make sure your whipped up meringue doesn’t feel remotely gritty when rubbed between your fingers – i.e., all of the sugar has dissolved - if you can still feel grains of sugar, continue to whisk on a medium speed.

- Buy an oven thermometer to be sure that your oven temp is ‘correct’ (I recommend this anyway!!)

- Note that for the recipe below, the meringue bakes for a short time at a higher oven temperature before being lowered for the remainder of the bake.

The meringue below is lightly spiced contributing a further dimension of flavour, in terms of the topping… nothing beats creamy stuff and fruit in my opinion. Here I pair a tangy vanilla yoghurt whipped cream with baked bay, orange and spice plums – bake these ahead for a more intense flavour – fresh figs, blackberries & toasted/roasted hazelnuts.

This recipe may be one you bookmark for later, be it a special occasion, when you have guests over, or as an alternative pudding at Christmas but it’s defo worth a try if you are partial to a slightly different take on the traditional pavlova combos. It’s also a really good mindful bake – one that keeps your brain occupied and intrigued for a little bit, which is always a win in my eyes!

Ingredient

Meringue 

4 large egg whites (I always use fresh eggs at room temp for best results)
225g caster sugar
1.5 tsp white wine vinegar
2 level tsp cornflour
1/2tsp ground cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
Pinch of ground clove

Fruit

5-6 plums (~300g)
15g Demerara sugar
110ml fresh orange juice
½ large orange zest
2 Fresh Bay leaves
1 tsp Vanilla extract
1 cinnamon stick
1 star Anise

Vanilla Yoghurt cream 

250ml Double cream
100g Full fat thick Greek yoghurt
1 tsp Vanilla bean paste

To Serve  (optional)

2 fresh figs
~ 50g blackberries
15-20g Roasted hazelnuts

Method

Preheat the oven to 130C fan, and line a large baking sheet with parchment, draw around an 8-9 inch dinner plate or base of a cake tin to create an approximate guide to shape the pavlova.

Add the egg whites to the bowl of a stand mixer (ensure it is grease-free and dry). Whisk the egg whites on a medium speed until soft peaks form. Lower the mixer speed slightly and gradually add the caster sugar (around 1 tbsp at a time) whisking well between each addition of sugar to allow it to full incorporate before adding more – I find it can take 5-7 minutes. Once all of the sugar has been added, continue to whisk (back on a medium speed – don’t be tempted to speed it up beyond medium, this can lead to erratically sized air bubbles which can destabilise the mixture when baking) until the mixture is thick, stiff, glossy and all of the sugar has dissolved, this can take a further 10-15 minutes depending on your kitchen environment - (check this by rubbing the mixture between two fingers – there should be no ‘gritty’ feeling remaining- if there is continue whisking for a further 5 minutes). Once mixed sufficiently, add the spices, and continue to mix until combined. Finally, combine the cornflour and vinegar in a small bowl before folding into the meringue mixture and whisking for a final 30 seconds to fully incorporate – don’t over-whisk at this point.

Once prepared, spoon the mixture out into the circle template on the baking sheet, use the back of a spoon/spatula or a palette knife to spread the mixture out to fill the circle (don’t worry too much about being perfect with this, it’s just a guide). Create a crater by spooning a little of the mixture out of the centre and building up the sides, and peak or swirl the sides to create a slightly decorative finish – I like to keep mine fairly rustic.

Bake in the oven for 10 minutes, then reduce the temperature to 100C fan, and bake for a further 1 hour 20 minutes before turning the oven off and leaving to cool inside for at least 3 hours or overnight – prop the oven door open with a wooden spoon. Once cooled, you can either store it in a large Tupperware until ready to use or immediately prepare your filling/fruit.

For the fruit. Preheat the oven to 180C fan. Stone and halve or quarter the plums depending on their size (I find quartering allows the flavour of the juices to penetrate a bit better but entirely up to you), place in a roasting dish. Combine the orange juice, zest, vanilla & sugar in a small bowl. Pour over the plums, coating evenly. Add the star anise, cinnamon stick and bay leaves, bake in the oven for 20-40 mins, remove and baste the plums with the juices every 10 minutes (the broad cooking time range depends on ripeness and size of plums – when ready, they should have softened nicely but still be holding their shape). Once ready, remove from the oven and set aside to cool and macerate in the syrupy juices - I like to prepare these the day before serving to intensify the flavour. Once cooled, stir in a few quartered figs and a handful blackberries, and set aside.

When ready to serve, whisk the yoghurt, cream, and vanilla together until soft peaks form. To assemble, place the pavlova on a serving plate or you can be lazy (like me) and just leave it on the parchment, spoon over the vanilla yoghurt cream, distribute the fruit mixture on top – I like to let it tumble over it a bit, then sprinkle over the hazelnuts before serving immediately.

NOTES:

• Once assembled, this dessert really needs to be eaten within a couple of hours or it will start to go a bit soggy!

• IF you already have a meringue recipe that works for you in your oven and home environment, then absolutely use it with the addition of my recommended spices for that Autumnal flourish. With something like meringue, I’m of a mind that ‘if it aint broke don’t fix it’? so keep with what works for you and top it with the autumn spice fruits and yoghurt cream as above!

• Special mention goes to my friend and pastry queen Nicola Lamb for her Pavlova wisdom. She writes a weekly newsletter where she delves DEEP into the science and magic of bakes, I’m UTTERLY obsessed with her work. The above pavlova recipe is heavily based on her basic pavlova documented in her “Pavlova 101 newsletter” which covers just about every pavlova question you might have - go check it out!

Finally, I’m conscious that I sound like a broken record with my ‘thank yous’ but I can’t help myself having received so much heartfelt love and support - you really are the most delightful bunch! You would not believe how much a short message (or long one) means, so this is another HUGE thank you- how can I repay you?

I do hope everyone is plodding along ok… as ever, I’m sending love and hugs out to you all… let’s hope for some positivity, happiness & big cosy comforts next week - what is it they say? ‘Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it’ … Bring on a good week!

Lots of love,

Steph xxx