#20 Feeling Full

My good friend Jen messaged me on Wednesday morning to ask how my head was (she knows me too well)… it took me the whole day to reply, (sorry Jen) and my response was ‘full’ which really sums up how this week has been: full… and heavy!

On Monday I sat glued to the TV watching the Queen’s funeral, an unrivalled ceremony of pomp and pageantry. Mum and I sobbed - the sight of her two Corgis and pony, Emma, really tipped us over the edge - it was just such a powerful, emotional and remarkable display; something I will never forget and that made me truly proud to be British.

As a result of the bank holiday I subsequently spent the rest of the week trying to establish what day it was - why does this ALWAYS happen? I was constantly a day behind which was awkward, particularly when it came to being available for meetings and appointments, but I seem to have made it through the week without letting too many people down… I hope?

My plate spinning from last week hasn’t really let up… I’ve been firing emails and documents back to people all over the place, including making the classic schoolboy error of forgetting to attach the relevant document to one recipient… twice and I’ve gone to bed each night with a frantically whirring brain - not ideal!

A SORE KNEE

I’ve also been in (another) little spin (and a bit of a grump) because I’ve had a sore knee - one of many niggling physical symptoms I seem to have acquired over the past couple of years. I’ve spent the week on Dr Google trying to establish the cause and nature of my injury… I am, of course, non the wiser as to exactly what it is, but considerably better informed about the anatomy of my knee, hamstring, IT band & quadricep, than I really need to be! A trip to the physio next week is on the cards and I’m very much hoping that some magic hands will fix it!

I’ve made this all sound a bit flippant but the reality is that my catalogue of ‘issues’ seems to grow at a rapid rate at the moment and I’m so bored of it; not only is it usually physically painful, I also become ‘painful’ to those around me, in that I’m a flurry of worry and stress, which I have to share with… everyone, because my little head can’t take the strain of it all on its own. I feel so pitiful, but it just feels relentless; one ailment eventually fades, and something else seems to come in and swipe me sideways, I know that in the scheme of things, none of these things should worry me so much but when you’re in pain (mentally or physically) it’s wearing and, you know, a bit sucky!?

A BISCUIT SAGA…

When I’m discombobulated (great word), as I have been over the past few weeks, I tend to overcomplicate just about everything else in life which I will warn you now, is entirely counterintuitive.

This week was a biscuit related saga - one that, with hindsight was fairly comical but at the time was… frustrating to say the least. At the risk of sounding a little dramatic, this biscuit quest paralysed me to do or think of ANYTHING else. I also suffered some biscuit related fatigue and would rather not be faced with one (or a cookie for that matter) for a day or two - a shame I’m sure you will all agree.

How did it all start? Well, similar to coffee-cake-gate last week, I decided I wanted to bake a biscuit to celebrate biscuit week on Bake Off, and set on Speculoos biscuits - like lotus biscuits - I baked some… and they tasted good, like really good, but they looked ugly. I didn’t think you would be that drawn to ugly, and I didn’t have the stamina to make multiple versions to establish why they were coming out misshapen, so back to the drawing board I went. This time I set off on a Queen-Paddington inspired mission which would incorporate orange flavours (with Paddington’s marmalade in mind) and chocolate (because the Queen apparently had quite an affinity for chocolate). I set on a melt-in-the-mouth crisp orange scented biscuit topped with a layer of dark chocolate and it was fine, I think… but since when is ‘fine’ exciting? My last-ditch attempt to supply you with a worthy ‘biscuit’ recipe this week was, (strictly speaking NOT a biscuit but who’s judging?), a triple chocolate cookie situation (inspired by my baking friend Becca who also baked triple chocolate cookies this week.)

Thankfully, the cookie delivered… and remarkably well dare I say it (I also managed to make a note of the recipe to share with you - which is always a bonus). They were everything I ask for in terms of ‘biscuit*’ comfort. You can feasibly enjoy them warm as a pudding with cream or ice cream, or as a snack (with milk for some real old school vibes)!
*cookie
If you are a Speculoos biscuit/chocolate orange fan, and feel like you’ve missed out, don’t fret, I will - of course - spend longer refining these two recipes that didn’t make the cut and get back to you if and when I’m happy with them!

ANY OTHER BUSINESS

What more have I got to report from this week? I enjoyed some glorious sunshine on Tuesday & Friday afternoon, I used up a bunch of leftovers and made some really delicious & nutritious herby courgette, pea and feta fritters (recipe below), had a long overdue haircut, marvelled at the sight of ALL the shiny conkers that have fallen (as I do every year), made a simple white tin loaf - which included leftover sour cream, yoghurt and honey (it was majestical with butter and marmalade) - and watched Dirty Dancing at 4am one morning when I couldn’t sleep (as you do).

Right, I think that’s about it… apart from, I wanted to say another thank you - I received so many messages of empathy, thanks, and support in response to last week’s newsletter - particularly in relation to my need to make ‘improvements’ to my diet. Every message I receive from week to week, is genuinely SO appreciated - it makes me want to write these newsletters more, I feel closer to you all, like we are sharing the burden of our worries and trying to help each other on our quest for comfort.

Onto the recipes…

Herby Courgette, pea and feta fritters

This recipe was the outcome of a fridge full of odds and ends and a desire for a quick, nutritious lunch. I actually made these mid-morning and enjoyed them cold - excellent lunchbox solution - but I tried some warm and Mum reheated them in the microwave (this is her solution to everything - “heat it in the microwave”) and they were equally good. I served them with a little Greek yoghurt and tomato salsa for a bit of extra goodness!

Serves 2

Ingredients

250g Courgette grated
100g Peas
1 garlic clove grated
1 tbsp finely chopped dill
1 tbsp finely chopped mint
1/2 tsp flaky sea salt
50g Spelt flour sifted
1 tsp baking powder
2 large eggs
50g crumbled feta
Olive oil to fry

Method

Place the grated courgette in a large mixing bowl and sprinkle with half the salt. Leave for 10 minutes. Drain off any liquid that has accumulated, then place them on a clean tea towel and squeeze out as much liquid as possible. Add to a clean bowl with the remaining salt, grated garlic, peas, herbs and feta, and stir to combine.

Meanwhile in a separate large bowl, combine the flour & baking powder, then whisk in the eggs to form a batter. Add the courgette mixture to the batter and mix to combine.

Next place a frying pan over a medium heat, add a drizzle of oil. Once the oil just shimmers, drop heaped tablespoons of batter approx 45g, into the frying pan flattening slightly with the back of a spoon. Cook for around 2-3 minutes each side or until golden. If you have a smaller pan, you may need to cook in batches.

Triple chocolate cookies

As mentioned above, this was trial 3 in my quest for a biscuit recipe to share with you this week. In the eyes of many, a cookie isn’t a biscuit, but the rules seem somewhat unclear to me, so here it falls into the biscuit bracket! I will admit, I have made only one attempt at these, but they are based on my go-to chocolate chip cookie recipe, with the addition of some cocoa powder, a little more flour and some coffee to enhance the chocolate flavour. They worked a dream: gooey, fudgy, cocoa-rich, loaded with mixed chocolate chips and topped with some flaky sea salt. If you need a pick-me-up in chocolate form, these are worth a try I can assure you!
*NOTE - I thrust these at various victims this week, the general consensus was positive… although one remark was that they resembled a cookie/brownie hybrid which is probably a fair comment… and one that means it absolutely loses that biscuit status I gave it, just humour me!

Makes: 13

Ingredients

110g Butter
100g Soft brown sugar
75g Caster sugar
1 Large egg
1 large egg yolk
1 tsp vanilla extract
170g Plain flour sifted
30g Cocoa powder sifted
2 tsp espresso powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1/4 tsp fine sea salt
150g mixture of your favourite chocolate chopped into chunks - caramelised white choc, white chocolate, milk, or dark
Flaky sea salt to sprinkle.

Method

First measure the butter into a saucepan and place over a medium heat until just melted - set aside to cool for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile, measure the flour, cocoa powder, baking powder, bicarbonate, espresso powder and salt into a large bowl and mix to combine. In a separate bowl, pour the slightly cooled melted butter, and whisk in the sugars. Next add the vanilla, egg, and egg yolk and whisk again until smooth, then use a wooden spoon to fold through the dry ingredients until almost all incorporated (you will think there is too much in the way of dry ingredients, don’t be fooled, it will come together eventually). Finally, add the chocolate and stir until just combined. Cover with clingfilm and refrigerate for approx 1 hour.

After an hour scoop out approx 50-55g portions and roll into balls. Once balled up, pop back in the fridge for another hour.

Once ready to bake, preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan. Place the cookies well apart on lined baking trays - you may need to bake in batches - and bake for approximately 15-17 minutes. Once baked, remove from the oven and bang the tray on the counter from a slight height 2-3 times - this will flatten the cookies out a little, then use a large cookie cutter and circle them around the circumference of the cookie for a perfect round shape.

Serve warm for a gooey brownie vibe or enjoy cold… with a glass of milk because cookies and milk are pure comfort right?

NEXT WEEK…

Ok, and we’re done for another week, I’m conscious that it’s all a bit bland this week, I’m sorry!!! Next week I am due to start my new job, I also am doing a Book signing on Saturday in Waterstones (Chester) from 11 am - come and see me if you are around - and am working again on Sunday (back in the running shop)… so, I’m not sure whether a newsletter will happen next weekend - further apologies, I promise I will be back as soon as I can be; with updates, recipes and hopefully some more comfort, but bear with me!

I do hope you are all are doing ok… and, as ever, I’m sending massive hugs and love out to you all!

Steph xxx