#135 Pistachio flower biscuits with a lemon white chocolate ‘cheesecake’ filling.

... a perfect Mother's Day bake and to celebrate SPRING!

I just removed the remaining Ryvita (pumpkin seed and oat flavour, if you are interested, which you’re not, when has Ryvita EVER been an interesting topic of conversation?) from a half-eaten packet, so I could hoover up the dusty crumbs, then I carefully returned the Ryvita to the packet as if nothing had happened. I subsequently did the same thing with a batch of crackers I’d made on Monday (this time I collected all the seeds that had fallen off in the Tupperware box and inhaled them) and now, literally as I type, I’m emptying a jar of roasted nuts onto a square of kitchen paper and meticulously picking out the broken bits to snaffle - what constitutes a broken bit is debatable isn’t it? Depends largely on the size of nut to begin with, I think… pistachio ‘bits’ are smaller than walnut ‘bits’, you know?

In part this frenzied squirrel behaviour is because the crumbs/dust/broken shards are vastly superior to the whole of anything - fact - and I wanted (needed) some edible comfort, but also it’s a form of ‘writers block’/procrastination (mixed with mild panic) because my week has been unremarkable, uneventful, bland!!! And thus, I don’t have anything that exciting to share with you, just titbits, bits-and-bobs, picky bits from an un-stupendous week which feels hopelessly boring. Nice and chilled for me, but probably a bit dull for you? Anyway, I’m afraid I have nothing else, so here comes nothing….

• Good news!! I’m yet to break anything this week, although I did, for the second time in a couple of weeks, set fire to a mini spatula (the new one) in the microwave*, which I’m mad about. Let this be a lesson to us all from now on, that spatulas should NOT be microwaved!!! And I just found a sponge (a scrubbing-sponge not a cake-type sponge) in the dishwasher which is obviously not where I intended to put it, I also spent two very frustrating hours looking for it which was thoroughly annoying!
  *for context, I was melting chocolate in a bowl, the spatula was my spoon, and I left the spatula in the bowl during the bursts of microwave action that occurred between ‘stirs’ - am I making sense?

• Weathering: The weather has been glorious too, hasn’t it? Actually SMELLS like spring? There’s a sense of fresh, floral, newness in the air, its bright and nature is chirpy! In truth, I did have a slightly shuddery moment when I acknowledged that we are currently at the apex of seasonal goodness, and that we really must be lapping up every ounce of it because you know what’s to come again in 6 months? Doom! Don’t laugh, I know we’re only just out of the arctic, but there is definitely a pressure I feel at this time of year to be making the most of all this goodness, and like, if I’m not enjoying every minute, I’m wasting it? You know?

• Food-ness: I’ve made great strides expanding my food repertoire this week… I’ve been in a ‘same-meal’ rut since maybe September (pesto pasta on repeat) only consuming my safe foods, the ones that I know will be how I expect them to be, no surprises, we hate surprises. But there’s been a shift, is it the weather? Has my renewed obsession with Mary Berry inspired change? Goodness knows, but I feel especially virtuous and ‘on top of things’ as a result. A chicken Waldorf with a blue cheese yoghurt dressing, bolognese, followed by bolognese pasta bake, curried chicken goujons, aromatic rice and veggies, homemade ravioli, I’ve been feasting! Obviously I’ve baked as well - my best loaf yet (this one - I know, I’m always chatting about it!), chocolate cake(s), (yes more, one of which is MY BEST to date, can’t wait to share), more millionaires shortbread (now perfected and SO devilishly good!!), scones, AND AND AND… the best mothers day bunch of edible flowers that I’m sharing with you below; Pistachio linzer-style biscuits with a lemon, white chocolate cheesecake filling - actual heaven, can’t wait for you to try.

  So yeh, it’s been marvellous… also, the sort of food that makes me feel like everything will be alright… cosy!

• … A little gift! Oh my god, the wonderful humans at Volcano Coffee Works have given me a discount code to share with you for their magic coffee - the Chocolate Honeycomb blend is superb, by the way!!! - if you use STEPH20 at the checkout, you should be eligible for 20% off your order - Easter has come EARLY, woop!!!!

• Reassurance, validation (also a spot of serious chat): I read an article by Gina Ripon, a leading neuroscientist from Aston University, that explained recent research into autism in women. She spoke of the former false assumption that autism was a condition that only affects males, and how this has led to many women suffering with dangerous misdiagnoses. Gina’s article resonated SO much with me, I could tick off every trait, feel every emotion she explained, it was like reading about myself. Without sounding pitiful, I believe I was one of the women she is referring to, I slipped through the net aged 17, I was treated for depression, then an eating disorder, anxiety too, I was medicated at times which only made matters worse, and I felt nothing but shame - I was so embarrassed about myself for being so utterly broken and yet none of the conditions I’d been labelled with made sense to me. Even now, even with this relatively recent autism diagnosis that obviously explains so much, a relief in so many ways, I’m still haunted by my former diagnoses. Autism makes sense, I relate to everything it encompasses, it’s me… and yet, my previous experiences with psychologists/psychiatrists and the old diagnoses hang over me, I can still hear the words, ‘she’s in denial’ and then I read comments from probably quite ignorant people, that suggest that autism can be attributed to lazy parenting or that everyone is ‘a bit autistic’. My understanding is that this is demonstrably untrue, you cannot be ‘a bit autistic’ and it’s not something you can train yourself out of, and yet these insidious, dismissive little remarks nibble away at my brain, I doubt the autism; I’m just broken, just weird, just absolutely useless at mending myself, a depressive with a food obsession that can’t be fixed. Gina’s article felt like approval, like yes Steph, this is you, you’re not broken just a bit different to some people, and that’s fine, embrace it, don’t fight it. Admittedly, I’d love her to take some photos of my brain configuration, see if it fits her ‘model’, an extra layer of corroboration, if you will, but for now, I’m trying very hard to listen to her evidence, accept my differences, and allow myself to be more authentically me. For anyone who feels the same let this be a message to you too… be you, be proud, you’re not broken, and you don’t need fixing.

• 4,000 weeks: apparently the number we get if we’re lucky… so we must ‘stop waiting’… which feels like HUGE pressure. I’ve decided that supposedly motivational quotes, like this, are anything but positive for me so I’m pretending I haven’t read this one and will continue to bumble along and not feel like I have to ‘start acting’ as they tell me to.

• … and instead, I’m channelling ‘banana’… I will sweeten with age!

• Sweet melodies: Is there anything more calming than the sound of piano music? The type you hear if you walk into a fancy restaurant or hotel, particularly on holiday. I heard some on the TV this week, can’t remember what I was watching, and I instantly felt wonderfully zen… note to self: should play restaurant piano music all day, every day.

• I cannot NOT mention the F1 last weekend, loved it! Watched it all back through the week… the whole race on repeat, saw lots of bits that I had missed at 4 in the morning on Sunday. And now I’m back at it for round two this weekend - we’re in China, and once again, I’m sleep-deprived - but it’s so worth it!

  

  

  

  An assortment of the YUM on offer this week...

Right, I think we have sufficiently debriefed, boring? Possibly! Big sorry’s if so… forgive me!

How about you? Has your week been similarly neutral - is any part of my nothing-y week relatable? Or do you have big news? If so, tell me!

Regardless, I hope you’re all doing ok? And I have a little favour to ask… an uncomfortable favour, because it makes me feel slightly nauseous to be begging for this… but if you like what you read on here, ever, would you mind doing me the hugest favour and tapping that heart button at the bottom - apparently it helps with ‘discoverability’ of these posts and just maybe invites a few more pals to the party, which would be lovely, and any paid support you can give obviously helps keeps this little dream alive for me, which I’m forever grateful for, and primarily, hope is some help, comfort, use, to you lovely bunch!

Ok, enough… let’s make an edible bunch of flowers…

Heaps of Love,

Steph X X X

p.s. Just a little note - I have some family visiting for a few days next week which I’m thoroughly excited about. I hope to be able to bring you the same level of chit chat on Sunday (I have a recipe prepared, so no panic there!) but in the event that time evaporates - time has a way of doing this, especially when you’re having fun, I find! - and I fail to put finger to keyboard, forgive me!!! I promise I’ll be back in full flow the following week - big love!

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Pistachio flower biscuits with a lemon white chocolate ‘cheesecake’ filling.

I’m utterly useless when it comes to knowing what to get my mum as a gift for any occasion. I know she doesn’t expect anything, I know it doesn’t matter really, what matters is that I love her to bits, she’s my best friend, she makes me whole, she’s safety and warmth and she’s really good at catching fried mushrooms when I launch them at her in a fit of rage (the less said about that the better).

But I like to remind her, especially when Mother’s Day comes around, that I really do cherish her. If I had all the money in the world, or even just a sustainable income - sob!! - I’d surprise her with a trip to a Grand Prix, maybe Singapore or Monza, they’re on the bucket list… but given the lack of funds, flowers are my chosen alternative. However, they too cost a small fortune in the lead up to Mother’s Day and we both agree that it’s silly to be drawn in by the profiteering (Scrooges, yes, sorry!), so I’ve made an edible bunch of flowers, which is basically like a two-for-one gift, flowers and food! WINNER!
Also, flower biscuits feel like the perfect way to mark the start of Spring and joy, life, promise, HAPPINESS (it was International Happiness day on Thursday I believe, so we’re celebrating that too with these cuties!!!).

I’m absolutely obsessed with this recipe, also, I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, (I’m probably going to), but my tests of these biscuits got high praise from the butcher and the fishmonger which feels like I’ve been awarded a Michelin star!

They’re inspired by a recent recipe by Sophie Bamford AND a ‘Jammy flower biscuit’ recipe conceived by my icon, Letitia Clarke (in her second book). The biscuit is a pistachio Linzer, perceptibly nutty although not strong (don’t expect a powerful pistachio flavour here, it’s subtle). They’re ridiculously short, tender, buttery, perfect. The biscuits are shaped using a flower cookie cutter, which makes them even more adorable, although a round cutter would obviously work just fine. Sandwiched between two layers of this yielding biscuit is an utterly addictive, lemon-y, cream cheese ganache. Combined, it’s like lemon cheesecake, SO GOOD.

Theoretically, the biscuits don’t have an especially long shelf life - I find that any sandwich biscuit tends to soften quite quickly, but in this case, I actually welcome it. My favourite thing to do is refrigerate any leftovers (after they’re set - a few hours), and nibble at them through the week, yes, they change form a bit, everything melds together, but what you get is a truly harmonious mouthful!

Right, I think it’s time you had a go (if you fancy)… Enjoy!

The assembly station, up close, and inside...