#17 A scattered mind

So it turns out I’m not the only one on struggle street with this whole adulting thing at the moment. I’ve had countless delightful messages in the past few days, from people feeling very similar. I’m not sure any of us have a definitive solution to overcoming how we feel, and actually I think it’s quite a personal thing, but knowing we are not alone is a help, I find.

This week I’ve been on a hamster wheel of worry again… from spending too much money on fruit in the supermarket*, to the anxiety around publication day for my book last Thursday (IT’S OUT IN THE WORLD EVERYONE, I do hope you like it!!!) and facing the reality that I need to get a job that will tide me over until I work out where my heart truly lies - the whirring thoughts have been relentless. My sleep has taken a pasting again as a result - those bags under my eyes are going STRONG - and I’ve been ridiculously chaotic in my approach to getting simple tasks done. I’ve even fretted over recipes & content for this week’s newsletter, particularly after receiving such a warm response last week; I felt like I needed to live up to that level, to keep providing and meeting people’s expectations - pressure central! Nevertheless, I have made it to the end of another week still standing, not quite dancing, but very much standing and with a few lovely comfort moments to share with you!

*(I kid you not this was a very real worry at 5:30 one morning, how can anyone need 4 flat peaches, a punnet of blackberries and 6 apricots amounting to £7.77, this is in addition to the standard weekly fruit haul of apples, bananas, frozen fruit - honestly, I’m a joke!!! although I promise they are being savoured and thoroughly enjoyed)

Autumn

Something I have REALLY acknowledged this week… and not necessarily for the best is that it’s really starting to feel Autumnal… I’ve noticed it getting darker earlier in the evenings, everything in nature is a bit brown and crunchy, and much as we’ve been blessed with some glorious weather - I promise I’m grateful for this - I can’t help but sense that dreary, darkness is on the horizon - such an optimist aren’t I?

Bake Yourself Happy

As I mentioned above, Bake Yourself Happy was released this week; I feel like I have mentioned it WAY too much in previous newsletters, but here I go again. I promise I’ll tone it down from now on, but before I do, I firstly want to say a HUGE thank you for the support, I have been blown away by the response and kind messages I have received; I really have to pinch myself when I stop and think about the fact that I have had the opportunity to share my love of baking and most importantly the happiness & comfort it has bought me during some particularly challenging times - I am so incredibly grateful! Second, for those of you who haven’t got your hands on a copy and want a bit more info ( I received a couple of questions following last weeks’ newsletter), here goes:

The aim of the book is simply to share my love of baking; the calm and comfort it has brought me in the last few years, the confidence I have gained, the dark moods it has extinguished, the things I have learnt, and the joy & satisfaction it has bought sharing my bakes with others. I share this passion and insight through each individual bake e.g. some of my go to bakes for any ‘bad mood moments’ are: Vegan cinnamon pretzel bites, a spiced root Veg traybake, & passion fruit & dark chocolate profiteroles. Similarly, my ‘Happy Place’ bakes; baked jam and custard doughnuts, cherry crumble squares and garlicky dough balls are ones that evoke really happy memories and provide huge comfort from beginning to end. There are, of COURSE, a host of pretty pictures throughout the book - taken by the incredible Chris and his team - and some tips & tricks, as well as ingredients/equipment suggestions. Essentially, if you like baking and are in need of a little happiness in your life, I think you’ll quite like it… and if you DO buy it… (and like it), can I ask you the biggest favour?… which actually I HATE asking because I feel guilty doing so, but if you could leave a little review* on amazon I will be eternally grateful! 
*if I’m being picky a 5* review would be ideal!!!!!! Right – enough about the god damn book!

Aside from this fairly momentous moment this week, I also had another blood test - which didn't include fainting, although I felt particularly woozy and had a little tantrum with myself for being a flake half way through! I also had a physio appointment which was great - I adore my physio and think he should double up and be a psychologist at the same time, he talks sense and I always come away feeling happier… and cured of whatever ailment I went with - this time it was a wonky foot! And I enjoyed another really good peach - it’s the small things right?

Ok, I sense that this intro is a little scattered and LONG, I apologise - sometimes I just wish I could sit down and chat with you all in person because that would be a lot nicer… and easier… butttt here we are! Let’s get cracking with some of the other best bits…

Wholesome Multigrain loaf

As the seasons start to change, I’m anticipating the desire for things on toast (beans and cheese yes please)… and soup with buttered bread. So, I went on a loaf making mission this week; I wanted one that was wholesome and loaded with whole grains, tasty (of course) and suitable for slicing and freezing for when toast related emergencies strike. This loaf absolutely fits the bill - I enjoyed it the day I baked it with a Greek salad - dipped in the oily/balsamic dressing - and sliced up the rest - with my really terribly blunt bread knife, yes I still need to invest in one of these - and froze it straight away to retain as much freshness as possible.

As you know from my previous bread recipes, I love the nutty flavour that whole grains add to bread, the addition of honey neutralises the slight bitterness and the yoghurt gives a lovely tender crumb. The loaf is a little denser than its white counterparts but I quite like that, and it takes a fair bit of kneading - I strongly advise using a stand mixer for optimal results.

Ingredients

250g Strong white bread flour
165g Strong wholemeal flour
85g Strong rye flour
40g Runny honey
7g Instant dried active yeast
10g Sea salt
85g Natural yoghurt
290ml lukewarm water

Method

Combine the flours in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the yeast to one side and the salt to the other. Meanwhile combine the water, yoghurt and honey in a bowl. Add the wet ingredients to the dry and bring together to form a shaggy dough. Leave to autolyse for 20 minutes. Once autolysed, knead on a medium speed, using the dough hook attachment for 10 minutes. At this point, stop the mixer, scrape down the sides of the bowl a bit and leave the dough covered for 10 minutes to rest. After this rest period continue to knead for a further 5 minutes on a medium speed. Rest again for 10 minutes and check for full gluten development. (if not quite there, give it another couple of minutes kneading). Once ready, transfer to a lightly greased bowl leave in a warm environment to approximately double in size - about 90 minutes or so.

Grease a 3lb loaf tin with butter and line with baking parchment. Once the dough has proofed, knock back and ease out of the bowl onto a lightly floured work surface, flatten a little into a rectangle before rolling up like a scroll ensuring the length of your scroll is approximately the same length (a little shorter ideally) than your loaf tin.

With well-floured hands, gently pick the shaped dough up and place in the tin seam side down. Cover and leave to proof for a further 60-90 minutes or until cresting the top of the loaf tin. Meanwhile preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan. Once risen for a second time, lightly dust with flour and bake with steam (add a cup of water to a baking tray placed at the bottom of the oven as you place the loaf in to bake) and bake for 25 minutes before reducing the oven temperature to 200C/180C fan and continuing to bake for a further 20 minutes or until sounding hollow when tapped on the bottom (10 minutes before the end of the cooking time, carefully ease the loaf out of the tin and finish baking directly on the oven shelf.) Once baked, leave to cool completely on a wire rack.

Getting Saucy

As I mentioned earlier, I really faffed around over what recipes to share this week. I always end up concocting different things in my kitchen, but some are significantly less successful than others, sometimes I just run out of inspiration, other times I feel ‘over-stimulated’ - when I’ve seen so many things that I want to try and instead of picking one, I want to do them all… at once, sometimes I feel limited by an ingredient - this week I had a whole tub of sun-dried tomatoes which, great as they are, felt like quite a marathon to get through - and then there are the instances where I make a dish and fail to note down quantities, so, great as they turn may out, I can’t possibly share what I have done because I have a limited memory of exact what went in the pan.

Anyway, these two little sauces below are my saviour sauces - for when I can’t decide what to make and need a simple tasty solution. The first is a sweet and spicy one - it’s a recipe from my Aunt, and I just love it - thanks Kim! The second has hummus-y vibes - and is superrr tasty on salads or as a dip for breads/veggies/crisps. Both are game changers!

Sweet and spicy sauce

Ingredients

2 tbsp soy sauce
1/2 tsp sesame oil
1/2 tbsp rice vinegar
1 tbsp runny honey
1.5 tsp grated ginger
1.5 tsp grated garlic - approx 2 cloves
1-2 tsp sriracha - depending on how spicy you like it

Method

Combine all of the ingredients for the dressing in a small bowl. Use as a sauce for stir fries or as a salad dressing - crunchy chopped raw veggies, edamame, beans and toasty nuts work perfectly with this one, as a marinade for salmon fillets - grill, roast or barbecue for the best salmon EVER, or use as a glaze for sticky roasted aubergines!

Tahini Sauce

Ingredients

60g Tahini
30ml Lemon juice
2 garlic cloves grated
3 tbsp ice-cold water
pinch cumin
1/8- 1/4 tsp salt to taste

Method

Combine the lemon juice and grated garlic - leave for 10 minutes. Add to the tahini with a pinch of cumin and the salt. Drizzle in ice cold water to desired consistency. Serve over roasted veggies, with falafel, or as a dressing for salads, alternatively, add a touch less water and use as a dip for flatbreads or pitta.

Brown Butter Banana Bread

(*with Brown butter, cream cheese frosting)

We ALL had a go at Banana bread during lockdown, in fact many would argue that it was done to death… I vehemently disagree for the following reasons:

1. It’s my favourite comfort bake… it tastes wholesome, it’s easy to prepare, it lasts ages, gets better with age AND it seems to be liked by both banana lovers and haters, so it’s a safe bake to make when you have guests popping over for a cuppa. 

2. Despite many claims from people, I don’t believe *the best* recipe has been invented, therefore there is always scope for more experimentation and new ideas…in my opinion! 

So, I hereby grant you another rendition that I whipped up last Sunday when in need of some baking happiness… I also had some very brown bananas lurking in the fruit bowl which were making me anxious. 

My absolute favourite banana bread recipe is in my book, it’s coco nutty, full of banana and loaded with cinnamon, it’s a cracker, but this is a close second featuring brown butter for a wonderfully nutty flavour, Greek yoghurt for moisture, bananas galore (obvs) and I baked it as a traybake so that I could top it with plenty of my latest discovery; brown butter cream cheese frosting-  if you don’t make the BB, make the frosting, its v.v.good! 

Ingredients

Cake

175 Butter
300g SUPER ripe banana (Weight once peeled) approx 3 medium bananas
2 Large eggs
80g Thick set Full fat Greek yoghurt - like Total/Fage
175g Soft light brown sugar
120g Spelt flour
100g Plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp Bicarbonate of soda
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp ground cinnamon
pinch of ground clove (optional)

Frosting

100g Butter
85g Icing sugar
165g tub cream cheese

Method

Preheat the oven to 190C/170C fan and grease and line a 9-inch square baking tray* with parchment. Firstly, make the cake, measure the butter into a medium sized saucepan and place over a low/medium heat, cook until melted stirring occasionally, then continue to cook until brown solids appear on the bottom of the pan, and it smells nutty and fragrant**. Once browned, pour into a clean bowl - you should have approximately 145g of brown butter significantly more or less may indicate over or under cooking your butter so just be slightly mindful of this - and allow to cool to approx room temp (make sure it’s still a liquid though). Meanwhile, sift the flours, baking powder, bicarbonate of soda cinnamon optional clove and salt into a large bowl, briefly mix to combine. In a separate large bowl, combine eggs and yoghurt followed by the sugar and cooled butter - whisk together to make sure it’s well mixed, then add the banana and mix again until thoroughly combined. Finally add the dry ingredients to the wet and mix until just incorporated. Pour the batter into the prepared tin and level with a palette knife. Bake in the oven for around 25-30 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin.

While the cake cools, prepare the frosting. As above, brown the butter - you should yield around 85g brown butter. Allow to cool - this time it needs to be the consistency of softened room temp butter - so will need a little longer to cool. Once the butter is the correct consistency, beat with an electric hand whisk until pale and fluffy - around 3 mins. Add the sifted icing sugar in 2 stages and beat thoroughly between each addition, continue to beat for 3-5 mins or until super whipped up and fluffy. Finally pour any water off the cream cheese and add to the butter/sugar mix now you want to be REALLY careful mixing this in, you can use the electric whisk, but you want it on a super low setting, and you are literally beating until it is JUST combined - I’m talking 10 seconds, finish off with a spatula to be safe!!

Once the cake has cooled, dollop on the frosting and make it look as pretty as you like, add some optional toasted pecans for a bit of crunch and cut into 16 squares. YUM YUM YUM.

NOTES

*This can also be baked as a banana bread in a 2lb loaf tin - grease and line the tin as normal and bake for 60-70 minutes at 170C/150C fan.

**Initially the butter will splatter a bit as the water evaporates, then it will get quieter and foam. When it foams the browning happens quite fast so watch it like a hawk, stir it more frequently and look for signs that the browning has happened: it will start to smell super nutty and toasty, and when you push away the foam with your spatula, you will be able to see the solids forming on the bottom of the pan. I like to achieve a deep golden brown before removing the pan from the heat and immediately transferring the butter to a clean bowl. Allow it to cool to the desired temperature - at this point I often reweigh it too (as mentioned above)

EXTRAS

• Visiting my art teacher (from school days) and seeing his latest exhibition. Mr Tucker (Alistair as he keeps on reminding me - he’ll always be Mr Tucker to me!), was my favourite teacher at school, he was an incredible support throughout my school years, and particularly as my mental health problems first arose. We’ve kept in touch since - he was one of my references for Bake Off - and I now consider him a really great friend. Anyway, popping to see him and his INCREDIBLE display of work on Monday - check him out here if you’re an art fan - was a simply lovely!

• Photos - (forgive me - I’ve mentioned my love of photographs before… but I’m saying it again because I really mean it and if you ever need a pick me up, flicking through an old photo album gives you a wonderful cosy feeling in my opinion)! My step mum, Julie, sent me a photo this week of me with Dad (+ Julie, my stepbrothers and grandpa) when I was a kid, we were at a theme park screaming our heads off on a ride - pic below. I have no recollection of the day but the photo (stamped with the date - 1996) is just fabulous, there’s so much emotion in one photo and I just love it. Much as I love being able to take fabulous photos with such ease on my phone, I do miss the days of printed photographs, neatly organised into albums!

  

• Notting Hill (the film) - last time I watched this classic was the 16th December last year, with Dad, my little sister, Mum and Julie. This was the last time I saw my Dad before he died in January, we watched the film - he said it was one of his favourites - we all knew alllll the lines, and it was a real cosy love-filled evening. Anyway, it was on again this week so Mum and I watched it, I cried a bit remembering last year, but the real moral of this story is that it’s a really great comfort film, so go and watch it now if you need a film-hug!

• Handpicked cooking apples, peeled and gently cooked with a sprinkle of soft brown sugar (I use 10%, by weight, of sugar to prepared apples) and lemon zest/juice until just softened but still holding their shape. The result is some real toffee apple vibes - best with soured cream or yoghurt and a little crunchy granola, I think. Cooked apples may not be the most fashionable of dessert choices these days, but there is something incredibly warm and comforting about this humble dish.

• Finally, and very importantly, BAKE OFF is BACK… on the 13th September - who’s excited?

Ok, I’m off, Love & hugs as always,

Steph x

p.s. A little Comfort Chronicles update: it pains me to say this a bit but… I may need to reduce the volume/frequency of content on here in the next few weeks whilst I get my ducks in a row a bit… I’ve LOVED writing these pieces, keeping you abreast of my whirring mind, sharing recipes, and hearing from you LOVELY lot too… but I feel like I’m juggling one too many balls at the moment - you would laugh if you had seen my activity today (I’m writing this on Friday evening) - I’ve gone at a to do list in the LEAST logical manner possible just firing off in all different directions trying to do everything at once - heads-up, this strategy is highly ineffective. Anyway, I need to focus a bit of time and energy into: some health stuff, finding a job and considering my future - FYI, I want to continue in some sort of foodie role in the bigger future, however, I acknowledge my inexperience with a lot of this stuff and am desperate to learn more so need to make that happen first. In the meantime, I will do my absolute best to document any pivotal moments and game changing recipes that I think you need to be aware of, it may just be that things are a little more succinct and potentially less frequent, I’m soooo sorry! I’m still here for questions and chats whenever though so never be afraid to message me, I GENUINELY feel so so lucky to have such incredible support over here, it’s like a have a little army of Comfort Chronicle friends and I want us to stick together, so keep with me!!