So, here’s the thing…
On Monday I shared a post on Instagram about my recent (circa 6 months ago now actually) autism diagnosis.
I was and still am, UTTERLY overwhelmed with the reaction I received to the post, I genuinely don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such kindness, understanding, and support from strangers and acquaintances alike. At times over the past few years, I’ve felt so unbearably lonely, but on Monday, I felt like I had an army of cheerleaders by my side and that was heart burstling-ly lovely.
HOWEVER, I did not anticipate quite how much this would floor me, emotionally and physically. I’ve barely slept, my brain is flooded with thoughts, and I’ve spent the sum total of 3 days now twitchily sat at my computer with very little to show for it – not ideal.
I had this idea that I would share that post, then provide more insight here, as well as lots of useful resources. I’d be a fountain of knowledge and support for others, I’d feel helpful, like I had a purpose, and I would be fulfilled, yay, go me! (it all sounds fairly self-indulgent when I write it down!!).
But the reality is, I don’t know where to begin and right now I’m as much use as a chocolate teapot. Obviously, I feel like a massive failure, I see other autistic advocates writing really powerful pieces or sharing useful content to help others and much as I feel like I have so much to share of my own experience, I just can’t make sense of it as well as others do yet… or at least not in a way that I feel will help anyone.
I’m not going to give up though, I just think it may take me a little longer than I had hoped to share more about my ‘story’; the late diagnosis and how it’s affected my life. I do hope you all understand. If, however, anyone has any questions, I’ll do my best to answer them, and in the meantime, I’ll continue my Comfort Chronicles where we left off… with cake (see below) and a little catch up… Oh and to the newbies around here - Hello, welcome to my little club, I hope you like it!
The weekly round-up:
On Sunday I cleaned the bathroom – always fairly hellish, there’s just so many bits to clean. Anyway, matters became even more hideous when the bath plughole ate the end off my ‘drain weasel’ and now, I not only have hair down there but also a lump of furry plastic. Super.
On 3 occasions this week, I have got drenched. I don’t mean a bit wet, I mean, ‘I-may-as-well-have-had-a-shower-fully-clothed’ wet. Grim. Also, is there anything more infuriating than trying to pull a pair of leggings off when you’re soaked… yes there is, putting a clean pair of leggings on when you’re soaked - unfathomable.
On Friday evening, I had a haircut, if you’ve been around here a while, you’ll know how much I hate this ordeal. I don’t like people touching my head, I hate my hair being washed, (even when I do it myself), the hair that is trimmed off goes down my top, and it’s all over my face, which feels like I have ants crawling all over me. When it’s dried, the heat feels like it burns through my skull, and the noise makes me want to scream. When it’s FINALLY finished, I hate how it feels and looks, there are bits in the wrong place, it’s a bit flat and I think I look like an 8 year old boy - essentially, it’s different and I don’t like different.
*Incidentally this is no disrespect to my very talented hairdresser who I’ve been going to for about 20 years, I wouldn’t have anyone else cut my hair, I just don’t like having it done and never will.
**OH AND, I realise this is meant to be ‘the comfort chronicles’, and none of the above points are particularly comforting so let’s call these the ‘uncomfort’ chronicles, and now I’ll try harder to be comfort-ful, starting with……we have Hedgehogs in the garden and it’s our most exciting garden discovery yet – we’ve named them Horace and Twiggy, and I hope they have babies - imagine baby Hedgehogs? SO CUTE!
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again, the sound of the birds singing at this time of year is SO soothing… I often wonder what they’re saying to each other out there…
I have an idea for a cake/mousse/dessert… it’s chocolate-y and I’m excitedly comparing recipes in a spreadsheet and calculating percentages and I hope I’ll have a version for you to try by next week… watch.this.space.
I made granola on Thursday and plain Naan on Friday - mainly for the comfort baking provides me - I find it uplifting and empowering, and it’s one of the few things that silences my brain a bit. I also figured I could snack on the granola and freeze any leftover naan for when we next have curry so no waste. Win.
anddd… I think that’s about all I have for you this week… below is my latest super fun cake discovery - a lemon and vanilla olive oil chiffon cake. The sponge is the lightest thing I have EVER eaten, and I’m totally obsessed with it - it also lasts for days which I love. That being said, chiffon cakes are notoriously difficult to master - a lot of it comes down to technique* - so don’t be disheartened if it takes a little practice and a few failed attempts before you succeed. The sponges are dabbed in a lemon vanilla syrup and filled with lemon curd and a whipped mascarpone custard - it’s all pretty perfect in my eyes. I hope you like it too!
*I also recommend watching some you tube videos of how it’s done for a bit better insight. (Oh and that’s another thing I feel like a failure for - I cannot produce videos of me preparing bakes - 1. I’m chaotic, 2. I don’t know how to do it and edit it accordingly, and 3. it removes the joy for me… I’m really sorry).
So much love and hugs – this week more than ever,
Steph X X X
Lemon Vanilla Chiffon Cake with lemon curd and whipped mascarpone custard
This cake is inspired by recipes from a few of my baking icons and may well be one of my favourites to date.
I’m kinda paraphrasing what I said above here but to recap, the cake itself is a chiffon sponge cake. Unlike dense buttery sponge cakes leavened by a combination of creamed butter/sugar and chemical raising agents, chiffon cakes are leavened solely by the expansion of air trapped by whisking egg whites to form a ‘foam’. It’s this whisky-eggy bit that I find so exciting!
With some excellent guidance from Christine, and a few tweaks on a recipe from Kassie Mendieta, I think I’ve got my head around how to make a chiffon now. As I said above, it’s the lightest, fluffiest but also moistest sponge EVER! I dabbed the sponge layers with a little lemon and vanilla syrup for extra flavour, and sandwiched them with lemon curd (the one I made last week – recipe by Sophie) and a whipped mascarpone custard inspired by one I saw Nicola lamb use for a cake a little while back (yep - it’s as incredible as it sounds).
I won’t lie, this one is a bit of a marathon not a sprint… each element also comes with some risk BUT… with a little practice, maybe a bit of failure and learning along the way, you will be SO rewarded with the result! Hope you like it! X x x
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