#19 Spinning Too Many Plates

If this newsletter ACTUALLY lands in your inbox this week, it will be something of a miracle because I’ve been in a right little spin… again… it’s a different spin I promise, and as of Friday, the page is still blank! I could bail and tell you the week has elasped without me managing to put pen to paper… but I’m not a quitter, so here I am trying…. if this ends up being read by no-one other than myself then Hello me!

Besides the emotion wrapped up in this period of National mourning, I have been in limbo all week whilst I wait for the necessary paperwork to be completed for my new role at my old school. In many respects it’s probably quite fortuitous because I’ve had a week of appointments, meetings… rearranged meetings, research (still researching what I want to do with my long-term future) and trying (way too hard) to think up new and innovative foodie concoctions for this week’s newsletter, so I’m not quite sure how I would have juggled all this around working too.

I’ll start with the appointments. So, I chatted to my dietitian - an incredibly knowledgeable & lovely lady - earlier in the week. We discussed that I need to eat a bit more in order to resolve some of my long-term health problems and ultimately feel a bit better… which I totally understand from a scientific perspective and am completely on board with… that is, until I actually have to DO IT.

I’ve always been as transparent as possible on my social media about my issues with food, but I’m not sure that people always fully grasp what goes on behind the social media screen. So, for full transparency and accountability, here I am bearing my vulnerabilities, not for pity, but for anyone facing challenges and feeling like a failure for not quite conquering them; you’ve got a bit of company in me, we’re fighting the fight together, be gentle on yourself and keep with me on the journey.

As I’m sure I have mentioned before, I was, (a while ago), diagnosed with an eating disorder, now I would refer to it more as disordered eating, there is a subtle difference, I think. Regardless, food is obsessively important in my life, too important, it has too much value… but getting it right is something of a challenge. When presented with information that potentially challenges the foodie status quo at any one time, my brain skittles off asking questions; it calculates risk, it senses that the scaffold of ‘current way of eating’ is being challenged and as such sets off an alarm - imagine the fire alarm at school? That! Anyway, I started alarming shortly after the appointment, I went into overdrive thinking about food; what? how much? how prepared? when? why? were all questions that flew through my head. Thankfully, and with the insanely unbelievable support of my Mum, I managed to silence the chatter and established that actually, I didn't need to make many changes - particularly not many all at once - the ‘what’, ‘when’ & ‘how prepared’ would stay largely the same, the why became irrelevant and it was only the ‘how much’ that took some mild tweaking. Nevertheless, the brain spin was monumental… as was the ensuing fatigue and self-hate for getting in such a stew about it - doh!

What I can now also see as I reflect with a little clarity, is that I was faced with more than just this foodie ‘uncertainty’ this week; I had the unpredictability of when work would start, random emails were flying around about meetings, as were the meetings themselves, AND I ‘needed’ to make a cake for cake week on Bake Off, (another thing I couldn't decide on - more on that in a mo), it therefore is probably unremarkable that I have found it all a bit much. The good news is that I’m eating the (metaphorical) elephant of ‘diet overhaul’ one bite at a time, I feel more confident that I’m taking just baby steps towards my goals, and hopefully my baby steps will amount to giant strides before long.

A minor miracle that also resulted from this mini meltdown was a very wonderful chickpea ratatouille - especially good with toasted sourdough, grilled or pan-fried fish, or stirred through pasta - recipe below - it’s a bit of a slapdash recipe so I urge you to taste and season as you go (I sound like SUCH a chef!!), but I really recommend giving it a bash - simple bulk cooking making use of quality ingredients and being very happy with yourself when you do.
[Side note - I’m a bit of a geek when it comes to nutrition - I studied it at a fairly basic level back in the day. In accordance with the advice from my dietitian, I will try to share any insight I gain, plus some tasty wholesome recipes I conjure up along the way, obviously I’m not preaching from a professional standpoint but will share any titbits of info that I think might be useful]

NEXT… THE CAKE - Oh gawd, what am I like? So basically, I wanted to make a cake to celebrate cake week on Bake off, potentially share it on Instagram, and subsequently include the recipe over here. It was a friend’s birthday so I thought I could make him a cake to make it doubly ‘worthwhile’… I did this, but I wasn’t *entirely* happy with how it looked, couldn’t be bothered photoing it, and as such, it didn't make the cut. With hindsight, it was more than satisfactory (coffee cake, boozy coffee drizzle, coffee cream and fudgy ganache frosting), but Miss Perfectionist couldn’t see this at the time, still questioning my creativity, general ability, and the science of EVERY element of baking a cake.

Next came further research; I made a second cake, this time with different ingredients and based on a recipe that I thought was going to reinvent my understanding of coffee cake… and let me tell you - IT WAS A DISASTER, I always blame myself (not the recipe) when I have failures, but essentially, this cake was bland, dryyyy… and just wrong…. it went in the bin after much sampling (I was determined to establish whether it was as bas as I thought… it was!… backed up by Mum).

So then we moved on to cake 3 of the week… which landed back where I should have started - Grandma Joan’s epic coffee cake (less the walnuts - which I usually love but here the coffee had to be the hero). Not only did this cake DELIVER in flavour and texture, I also experienced some wonderful childhood nostalgia making it… that and the biggest coffee-sugar high and subsequent crash!! Anyway, the moral of THIS little story, is STOP OVERCOMPLICATING LIFE… when something works, roll with it, by all means try new things, but only do it for fun, or if there is real cause for change - if fun generates a new level of amazing, fabulous, but don’t approach new things with the belief that they will make life better, most of the time, they don’t.
*If you are wondering who ate all the cake… my neighbours were fed the goods - needless to say, none of us have slept all week!

Following this caffeine fuelled extravaganza, I also spent some time recipe testing mince pies for an article out in December - I dislike the fact that I am talking about Christmas already, but needs must in this instance! The recipe I have settled on is a melt-in-the-mouth shortcrust pastry case, home-made apple, almond and brandy mincemeat, and Amaretto, frangipane topping. I was worried that it was going to be a bit much but it’s a bit of all right you know? SO that was a happy moment!

In the midst of all my plate spinning, I have watched wall-to-wall coverage around the Queen’s death this week … I’ve just found it all incredibly moving and emotional. I’ve also learnt a great deal from various documentaries broadcast - my favourite was this one which included some wonderful footage of the Queen during her lifetime - the more I see, the more I recognise how utterly remarkable and inspiring Queen Elizabeth II was.

Besides the usual admin, that just about rounds up the major moments of the week! Now for the good stuff… drum roll for a ratatouille recipe you didn’t know you needed in your life, and a pretty marvellous coffee cake!

Vegan Chickpea Ratatouille

Ingredients

1.5 tbsp Extra virgin olive oil
3 large garlic cloves
1 bay leaf
1 red onion roughly chopped
1 aubergine
1 medium courgette
1 red pepper deseeded and quartered
1 tsp honey
1/2 tbsp sherry vinegar
1/2 tsp balsamic vinegar
1 tin crushed San Marzarno tomatoes
1 tbsp capers
1/2 Large jar of Bold Bean Queen chickpeas - try these for best results PLEASE
Big handful of fresh basil

Method

Heat the grill to high, place the pepper quarters on the grill pan or on a baking tray and grill until the skins are charred. Then remove and place in a bowl until cool enough to handle. Once cool enough slip the charred skins off with your hands and discard, pop back in the bowl with any juices that have come out of the pepper as it cooled. Next, slice the Aubergine and courgette into cm rounds. Drizzle with 1/2 tbsp olive oil and roast in the oven at 200C/180C fan until lightly browned - about 20-30 minutes - turn halfway through - they may cook at slightly different speeds so remove any ‘better done’ bits from the baking tray and set aside whilst the remainder continue to cook. Once cooked roughly chop into large chunks and set aside until ready to use.

Meanwhile, place a large saucepan over a medium heat, add the remaining 1 tbsp of oil and add the onion and bay leaf. Cook for 10-15 minutes until nicely softened, then add the garlic and cook for another couple of minutes - don’t let it burn.

Next add the honey, sherry vinegar and balsam, stir to coat and cook for another minute. Follow up with the chopped pepper and its juices, and roasted veg chunks. Then add the drained chickpeas - i often end up with a bit of the juices still in the sieve, bung them into for a little extra moisture - stir to coat, then add the chopped tomatoes and about 1/2 a tin of water - 200ml ish and the capers. Bring to the boil before covering and simmering for about 45 minutes.

Leave to cool for extra flavour to infuse then reheat as and when you desire - this freezes fabulously too.

VERY Coffee cake

As I mentioned above, this is based on Grandma Joan’s recipe. I gave it a bit of an uplift with the following tweaks, I omitted the walnuts (I love walnuts, but wanted it to be allllll about coffee here), I then soaked the sponges in a coffee sugar syrup, sandwiched the two sponges together with coffee cream (I could eat this alone - it’s magical), enveloped it all in a very traditional coffee buttercream, and decorated it with chocolate shavings (cappuccino vibes) and a few obligatory coffee beans. It’s pretty special but does come with a warning: may affect your sleep, may also induce some degree of hyperactivity - great pre workout - but also a slightly overwhelming crash, be prepared with a scheduled nap! Hope you like it!

Cake

250g Unsalted butter soft
250g Caster sugar
250g Self raising flour
1/8th tsp Bicarbonate of soda
Pinch of salt
4 large eggs room temp
45ml milk room temp
2 tbsp Instant coffee powder

Coffee sugar syrup

50g Caster sugar
50g Water
1 tbsp Instant Coffee powder

Coffee cream - makes a little more than you need - but tastes really good (Excellent piped into profiteroles!)
150ml double cream
1 tsp Instant coffee powder
15g Light brown sugar

Coffee butter cream
1 tbsp Instant Coffee powder
3 tbsp Whole milk
185g Butter
300g Icing sugar sifted
Pinch salt

Chocolate shavings/coffee beans to decorate

Method

Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan. Grease 2 x 8” cake tins with butter and line the bases with parchment. Combine the sifted flour, bicarbonate and salt in a large bowl and set aside. Next, beat the butter and sugar in the bowl of a stand mixer (or with an electric hand whisk) until creamy, aerated, and paler in colour - around 5 mins depending on temp of butter. Add the eggs incrementally, beating well between each addition, then add the coffee powder and beat well to incorporate. Once incorporated fold through the dry ingredients followed by the milk. Once everything is nicely mixed, distribute evenly amongst the tins and level with a palette knife. Bake in the oven for around 25-30 mins or until a skewer inserted into the centre of the cake comes out clean. Once baked, leave to cool for 5 mins in the tins then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.

Make the coffee syrup - combine the sugar, water and coffee in a saucepan, place over a medium heat, ensure the sugar has melted before bringing to a gentle simmer for a couple of minutes until syrupy. Remove from the heat and allow to cool completely.

For the buttercream, gently heat the milk and coffee until just steaming in a microwave or in a saucepan. Leave to cool completely. Meanwhile, beat the butter with an electric hand whisk or stand mixer until fluffy and much paler in colour - almost white. Add the icing sugar in 3 stages, beating well between each addition. Continue to beat for around 2-3 minutes until light and fluffy. Lower the speed of the mixer, add a pinch of salt before trickling in the cooled coffee milk. Increase the speed and beat until smooth, soft and spreadable - if you think it is still a bit thick, add a dash more milk.

For the coffee cream, combine the cream, sugar and coffee, beat to medium stiff peaks - don’t over-beat or it will split.

To assemble, level the tops of the cooled cakes. Brush the syrup evenly over each layer - make sure the cakes are cooled when you brush the syrup over the top. Place one layer on a cake board, spread a liberal about of coffee cream over the layer - you may not need it all though. Up turn the second layer and place on top for a flat top. Spread a thin crumb coat of the coffee buttercream around the sides and on top of the cake. Refrigerate for about 20 minutes until slightly firmer. Add a topcoat and neaten/pattern as you wish - swirly, perfectly smooth (whatever you fancy). Sprinkle chocolate shavings around the outside circumference of the cake and dot with a few coffee beans. Slice and serve (with a cup of coffee - no brainer)

NOTES:

*I prefer to use instant coffee in cakes because I can more easily control the intensity of flavour. I use this Nescafe Azera - I find it’s a decent flavour and dissolves well - if you’re sensitive to caffeine, and don’t fancy the caffeine/sugar rollercoaster, I have also tried this with decaf coffee, and it works a treat!
**huge thanks to my road of testers who relentless sample bakes from week to week!!

That’s about your lot for this week then and you’ll be happy to hear that I have made it to the end and you have indeed received the goods! Wahoo!

Hope you have all had a good week, sending love and hugs bigger than ever to you all!

Steph xxx

p.s. I AM LOVING seeing your bakes from Bake Yourself Happy (keep them coming) - it’s just so incredibly rewarding and wonderful to see people making my recipes, so once again THANK YOU!