#124 Chocolate & Hazelnut shortbread sandwich biscuits
Hello friends! How are we all?
In case you missed the memo, it’s January, the longest, grizzliest month of the year by about 31 days (this is an actual fact). It’s only redeeming feature is that it’s sort of socially acceptable to be depressed, and thus, for those of us who simmer in Gloomfordshire, it’s a chance to live our truth, to shine with shit-ness and not feel quite so ‘wrong’ and guilty for being ourselves, or mood-sapping to be around.
True to form, I’ve had a torrid week. I really, desperately, tried not to feel rubbish - honestly, I was manifesting good thoughts and so desperately trying to be ‘upbeat’ - and yet I’ve felt an avalanche of all the bad things - worthless, useless, stupid, tired, lonely, but I also don’t want company. I’m scared of ‘getting back into the swing of things’ (what are the swing of things?), I feel unmotivated, overwhelmed, lost, tired (yep, double tired), and I think I’m experiencing a resurgence of the dreaded lurgy – I feel like I have an ant crawling over my throat and my bogeys are green (sorry TMI).
Thursday was also the anniversary of my dad’s death which seemingly doesn’t get easier with time. As the years go by and things happen without him here, my need to chat to him again, have a hug, make him try a cake and tell me what he thinks, all become greater. I miss you, Dad.
I’ve somewhat made light of all of this, but the truth is that I’ve felt so bad at times this week, that I thought I might have to send you all a ‘sick note’ to say I wouldn’t be showing up for this first Sunday in January – it’s been a fairly rocky time. However, I’ve managed to heave myself out of the trenches to write this (never one to make things sound dramatic, am I?); I’m seriously snotty and pretty dishevelled I’m afraid, but I just had to pop by and say hello and remind anyone feeling the same or even just a little bit rotten, you are NOT alone…
In fact… if you need further evidence that others are feeling the same, this week I have:
Witnessed a man have a heated argument with a cross trainer.
Caught a next-door neighbour yanking fairy lights out of the tree in her garden – she was fed up with Christmas (I violently agreed with her).
Experienced a bizarre episode whereby a lady came out of her house and yelled at me for letting my dog sniff her bush (don’t laugh). In her defence, she thought the dog was weeing on her bush. Having corrected her, handed her the prescription left on her doorstep, and wished her a Happy New Year, I think I diffused things. I walked away shaking because I hate confrontation, but have subsequently reasoned that she must have been having a pretty bad day - I hope she is ok.
These examples are 100% not intended to shame individuals but to remind you that feeling especially rotten, cranky, overwhelmed, and doomy at this time of year, is evidently not uncommon. And, whilst this information doesn’t directly help to make us feel better, at least we have company, eh?
It would all seem a bit cliché for me to now spin the tone of this newsletter around, acknowledge the ‘good bits’, express gratitude, blah blah blah… but I’m afraid I’m going to do just that because, surprisingly, despite the yuckiness, I actually can share the few things that are preventing my light from completely fading:
A bubbly hot bath.
… and hot water bottles.
… and hot beverages… things that are cosy and warm!
Pink skies… I’m not sure why we have been blessed with quite so many beautiful pink skies morning and evening of late but gosh, they’ve been majestic.
As ever, the birds have been keeping me entertained too - they seem so chirpy at the moment.
OH AND… the nights have been drawing out for a while, but FRIENDS… I believe (according to my BBC weather app), that from TODAY we have crested the latest sunrise… we are on our way to brightness again! Yippeee!
A very decent chicken curry made using leftover roast chicken from XMAS day – I used this recipe from Chetna but subbed half the chicken for a tin of chickpeas – it was mega.
V.G, soft, shreddy, dinner rolls (I used my white bun recipe here but baked them in a tin instead of free-form - it’s all about the ‘flappy tear’, am I right?)
The good food moments... Cardigans… I’m enjoying cardigans.
TV – ok, entertainment seems to be at its peak right now and I’m here for it… top of my list past and present:
- The split on the BBC
- Gavin and Stacey – obv - BBC
- Big Fat quiz of the year (Channel 4)
- New Year’s Bake Off - WHAT a line up, I LOVED it!
- Junior Bake off
- The Great Pottery Throw Down
- Love Island Allstars (or whatever they call it) - mindless, addictive, good.
What I didn’t mention above, is that I’ve also had a few kitchen howlers this week - seriously, I think I’ve lost all baking ability, send help! Naturally, this has really rattled my confidence… however, last week, I dreamed up a recipe for some Chocolate and hazelnut shortbread sandwich biscuits and oh wow! They’re just the heavenly comfort I (we all?) need to get us through this month (recipe below).
OK, I’m going… to blow my nose. But before I do, one more quick thing - I’ve purposefully not mentioned the New Year and resolutions and fresh starts… because when I do, I feel VERY daunted… you see, I don’t like the idea of newness and clean slates and setting goals, so, as far as I’m concerned, it’s just another day, in another week, in another month/year… and as ever, more than ever, even, I’m sending you ALL the biggest of hugs and love.
Steph X X X
Chocolate & Hazelnut shortbread sandwich biscuits
Right, about these biscuits. I don’t know what came over me last week, but I really fancied (no, I NEEDED) a biscuit and it had to be buttery, nutty and chocolate-y.
I looked in my cupboard and found half a packet of hazelnuts, which worked perfectly in my head - Nutella vibes = no brainer! I thought shortbread would be an excellent canvas for this idea, and I liked the idea of a sandwich biscuit - biscuitty goodness either side of the chocolate - yes please!
In truth, I didn’t have massively high expectations here, they just had to scratch my itch, ya know? BUT oh-em-gee, what a happy stroke of genius - not so humble brag, sorry! The hazelnut shortbread biscuits are good enough to stand alone - nutty, buttery, short, SO GOOD, but glue a couple together with some melted chocolate and you’ll give them a whole new look - it’s a very heavenly mouthful!
If you need a therapy biscuit to kick off the year - these are for you! Enjoy!
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