#12 Learning how to surf...

… an eventful start…

Ok so remember I said I was hoping for a more zen week this week… hahaha… well it didn’t quite kick off how I imagined - Monday morning I got up and suffered an allergic reaction to a supplement that had been recommended to me - just to be clear, I don’t believe it was the fault of the supplement, but evidently something in it didn’t agree with me. It was a really scary experience, my face went red, hot and really tingly, followed by my knees and bum (not cute) - the worst thing was not knowing how much worse it was going to get. Thankfully, this was the extent of it and it calmed down after around an hour, I also sought a bit of medical advice - basically keep some antihistamines on me at all times, shout out to the LOVELY pharmacists at my local GP surgery - but I can’t say it was the best start to the week. Having said that, it’s remarkable how things like this make you grateful for life-ness - so I guess that is a silver lining.

Health Anxiety

On the subject of health and stuff - I shared a post from Alice Liveing on Monday which resonated with me so much. She was talking about her struggle with health anxiety… I have mentioned my own battle with this over the last few months and much as it may not come across all of the time, it never goes away for me. My dear Mum takes the brunt of my health worries, which no doubt causes her huge distress too, but, in the moment, I find it much harder to share with other people; I feel ‘weak’, I’m embarrassed, I feel guilty for feeling these things, I feel like an idiot for always finding something new to worry about, I feel like a hypochondriac, and all I want, (if I tell people), is for them to tell me that I am fine, & that I’m going to be ok.

Much as I can usually laugh about my idiosyncrasies once the worry has dissipated, in the moment, health anxiety can be extremely debilitating. I convince myself that something terrible is wrong with me and my thoughts quickly spiral to the worst case scenario. I endlessly Google my symptoms, I can’t concentrate on normal tasks, I am consumed by intrusive thoughts and I have been known to suffer panic attacks, I then find myself looking out for signs that reinforce or diminish the likelihood of my thoughts being reality.

Echoing Alice’s words on Monday; I’m not sharing this for sympathy but because I want to remain open about my struggles & to normalise discussions around this sort of thing, and hopefully to provide a little comfort to anyone who may be experiencing similar issues which can be incredibly scary and isolating.

Even when people admit their vulnerabilities online, we so often perceive things to be very transient and short lived because they seemingly get on with their lives or seek help and ‘get better’, and sometimes this is the case, which is great… but all too often worries remain present, we mask them with a brave face because we have to - ‘life goes on’ - and only our nearest and dearest understand the true reality of our distress.

Unfortunately, I’m yet to find the magic cure, but it certainly helps me to know that I’m not alone in my thoughts, I surround myself with the people who understand me, I try to focus my attention on simple tasks that can, even momentarily, distract me - Baking, I’m looking at you - and sometimes the overwhelming fear is slightly reduced. To anyone who feels like this too - I’m sending you a big ‘make it better’ hug - just like our Mums and Dad’s did when we were younger!

Instagram

Right - a quickie - and possibly a mini rant… but with a view to a more comforting outcome, I promise. You may have seen me repost a petition on instagram to try to encourage the platform to revert back to more photography & exposure to content from the people we want to see, and less frenetic & chaotic reels/videos from people we don’t know (however, amazing they might also be). I won’t bang on about this much but you will see that I don’t post any video or reel content… well I’m yet to anyway, I won’t say never just in case - I don’t like it. As a viewer I can just about cope with it and I see its place on other platforms, but in terms of producing my own video style content, I just can’t do it, I don’t like the idea that I have to ‘perform’, (Bake Off is filmed very differently by the way), I don’t like the idea of compromising a bake just so that I can produce a good video, and it takes hours to produce the content… which I would much rather spend baking, writing, seeing people or working. I also think photography is an incredible art form which isn’t being showcased. Furthermore, there are suggestions that consuming video content can be considerably more psychologically taxing, meanwhile images are more calming. I’m not sure that that this notion comes from evidence based data, but I’m prepared to believe it might be true, and I don’t know about you but I’d much rather be in calm camp consuming cute photos than frazzled with whirring video content.

Once again, I definitely don’t have a solution or necessarily a conclusion here other than to make my point, that I’m pro beautiful, meaningful photos shared between friends and followers.

The theme of this week seems to very much focus on the unpredictability of life which is summed up perfectly in this little quote:

“Life comes at us in waves. We can't predict or control those waves, but we can learn how to surf”

Ok, you MUST be bored of my waffle now so I’ll get cracking with a few recipes from the week… I posted each of them on Instagram and many of you seemed keen to give them a try so I’ve done my best to capture the best bits as well as some other little nuggets of joy!

[MORE] Savoury crackers –

… yes MORE because you can’t have enough cracker recipes… for cheese purposes if nothing else. These are another golden seedy, oaty, crisp little cracker recipe that you need to try!

[… side note, my favourite cracker recipe, has it’s place in my new book which is now just over a month from the release date… eek! Nevertheless, this is a cute little wholesome snack that will see you through until you can get your hands on the real deal, yeasted, lemon and rosemary cracker in the book.]

This one is based on a recipe by goddess of food Anna Jones, I have made a few changes to suit my preferences. I could snack on these all day long like crisps, but they are also a perfect accompaniment to your favourite cheese, mashed avocado, hummus - the possibilities are endless.

Ingredients

25g Sunflower seeds
25g Pumpkin seeds
25g Mixed Sesame seeds
15g Poppy seeds
10g Chia seeds
[optional: 1/2 tsp fennel seeds + 1/2 tsp nigella seeds]
50g Rolled Oats
1/4 tsp salt
10ml Olive oil
85ml Water

Method

Preheat the oven to 190C/170C fan and line a baking tray with parchment. Measure the seeds - including optional fennel and nigella seeds], oats and salt into a large bowl and mix well. Add the oil and water and stir well to combine. Leave to soak for around 10 minutes, then dump the mixture out onto the prepared baking tray. Use a second piece of parchment and place it over the top of the mixture - then use a rolling pin to roll the mixture out between the two sheets of parchment - you want to make it pretty thin to achieve a rectangle around 30x22 cm (it doesn’t have to be too neat but try to make sure the thickness if even). Remove the top piece of parchment - reserve for later use, and use a pizza cutter to score the dough into whatever shapes you like - I went for approximate squares but keep it rustic if you like). Then bake in the oven for around 15-20 minutes or until it is just starting to turn golden, remove from the oven and very carefully flip the biscuit dough, I do this by placing the second piece of parchment we used earlier on top of the biscuit, carefully flipping the sheet over, before peeling off the underside piece of parchment to expose the unbaked side, popping it back on the baking tray and returning to the oven to bake for a further 15-20 minutes or until golden and crisp- it may curl up a bit and look a bit crazy, but don’t panic - that’s all ok! Allow to cool before snapping into individual biscuits.

Bagels

I’ve been on a bagel perfecting mission for a little while - none of the ones I have produced have been disappointing if I’m honest, and that isn’t me being arrogant, it just goes to show they are incredibly resilient to changes in both ingredients and even hydration… that being said, I think I have finally hit a sweet spot with these.

I include a bit of wholemeal flour as usual - I love the flavour and additional fibre. The bagels are slightly higher in hydration than traditional recipes - I find this gives the best texture once baked and increases the shelf life marginally - they are also a little smaller than those you can sometimes buy from bakeries and finally, I bake the bagels for a shorter time at a higher temperature than others do - I find this yields a bagel with a thinner crust and moister crumb.

I’m not going to lie - the seeds pose a major MESS problem - you will continue to find them scattered around your kitchen for days - you can supposedly use an egg white to help them adhere to the bagel but I don’t love using egg whites when I don’t strictly NEED to - instead I tend to try to capture as many of the seeds that fly off and serve them in or around the bagel and its contents because they’re arguably one of the best bits!

Ingredients

200g Strong White bread flour
100g Strong wholemeal bread flour
10g Soft brown sugar
15g Malt extract
6g Salt
4g Yeast
25ml Orange juice
160ml lukewarm water

To top

20g White & black sesame seeds
10g Brown Linseed

To boil

20g Malt extract
10g Baking soda
2L boiling water

Method

Sift the wholemeal flour into a large bowl. Transfer the bran element (left in the sieve) into a small bowl and cover with 10ml of the water. Stir to combine a bit and set aside to soak. Meanwhile, add the white flour to the large bowl containing the already sifted wholemeal, along with the sugar, stir to combine then add the salt to one side of the bowl and the yeast to the other. Finally add the malt extract, orange juice and remaining 150ml water. Mix to form a shaggy dough then autolyse for 20 minutes.

Once autolysed knead for 10 minutes or until smoother, stretchy, and elastic. Add the soaked bran and knead into the dough for around 5 minutes. – it takes a bit of effort to work it in but persevere, until it all comes together. Once incorporated, leave the dough, covered, for 10 minutes to rest. Check for gluten formation – the dough should be super stretchy and kind of see through when you stretch it, it shouldn’t tear, if it doesn’t quite look developed, give it another quick knead. Once the dough is ready, pop it in a lightly oiled bowl and leave to prove for around 90 minutes or until doubled – even tripled – in volume.

Once proofed, knock back the dough and divide into 6 approximately 80g chunks. Roll into tight balls then cover for 10 minutes to allow the dough to relax. Then press your finger deep into the centre of a dough ball to create the characteristic whole. You then need to gently stretch out the centre of the dough to create a hole bigger than you would think – around 1 inch in diameter. Transfer to a small, lightly greased, square of parchment and place on a large baking tray. Repeat with the remaining dough balls – ensuring each bagel is on a different piece of parchment -  place the baking tray in a large bag and leave to proof for 30-45 minutes or until noticeably puffed up.

Meanwhile preheat the oven to 220C/200C fan. Once the dough has proofed for the second time, prepare the water bath. Heat 2L water and whisk in 20g malt extract and 10g baking soda. It will fizz up so be prepared - add the bicarb slowly and allow for the fizzing by using a pan that is more than big enough. Whisk until bubbles dissipate. Drop 1 bagel into the boiling water. Boil for 20-30 seconds each side then remove with a slotted spoon and transfer to a wire rack. Sprinkle over some of the seed mix and repeat for the remaining bagels. Once all of the bagels have been boiled, transfer to a baking tray lined with parchment and bake in the oven for 15-17 minutes or until golden brown. Remove and leave to cool on a wire rack.

Espresso pecan shortbread

A strong cup of coffee and a biscuit - name a more comforting situation - (pretty sure I said that last time I gave you a biscuit recipe, clearly I mean it!) Here the coffee and biscuit coalesce - it’s like buy-one-get-one-free which is a bonus in my opinion. Not only that, these shortbreads include rye flour and ground toasted pecans - which add incredible depth of flavour. I will point out, there are very ‘short’ and therefore quite fragile to handle, so bear that in mind if you give them a try, but this is perfection for me. They’re packed with flavour, melt in the mouth and fill the house with the wildest aroma as they bake - an ultimate wholesome biscuity hug!

Ingredients

55g Pecans
115g Unsalted butter room temp – soft
3 tsp Espresso coffee powder

55g demerara Sugar

115g Rye flour
good pinch of salt.

optional 50g chocolate (melted) to drizzle)

Method

Roast the pecans in the oven at 170/150C fan for 8-10 mins or until fragrant and golden. Allow to cool completely before pulsing in a small blender until they resemble coarse sandy texture – don’t over pulse or they will become oily. Briefly set aside.

Next combine the butter, sugar and espresso coffee powder in bowl/mixer and beat together for around 3 minutes or until nice and creamy – you don’t need it to be fluffy like a cake batter but homogenous. Add the ground pecans and beat in for another 30 seconds to fully combine. Measure out the flour and salt, briefly mix before folding into the butter mixture. This will yield a sticky dough. Weigh the dough into a small bowl making a note of the weight and refrigerate for around 20 minutes.

Meanwhile line 2 baking trays with parchment. Once slightly chilled, remove the dough from the fridge, divide the total measured dough weight from earlier by 18 (should be about 20g), and use a spoon to scoop out portions, roll into a little ball then press into a 5cm cookie cutter -it’s a bit sticky but just prod it around to approximately fill the cutter. Remove the cutter and repeat with the remaining dough. Bake in the oven for around 14-15 minutes, the biscuits will spread quite a bit. Leave to cool for around 5 minutes on the tray then very carefully transfer to a cooling rack to cool completely – the biscuits are extremely fragile so you may need a palette knife to help. Once cooled, drizzle with melted chocolate if you fancy.

EXTRAS

• I’m not sure if I told you this last week but I’m obsessed with flat peaches (any peaches actually) at the moment - they are just so good at this time of year… they actually feature in my new book too; roasted, with a touch of booze - and served with crunchy amaretti and crème fraîche - honestly, they’re EPIC. Anyway I’ve seen something that looks even more magical kicking around on instagram, and now I *need* to hunt one down - a BLOOD peach. I’m not sure that Chester will deliver the goods on this but I’ll remain hopeful.

  

• Right so I learnt this from my friend Ellie Silcock and have only just got round to trying it this week… if you are partial to a baked sweet potato from time to time… which you should be buy the way, they’re *potentially* better than the OG white potato, then follow these steps - freeze your potato raw so it’s properly frozen - (overnight or whatever) then oil it up, and bake it from frozen at 200C until baked through - it’s a real level up I can assure you!

• Another Frittata - this one was a recipe from the wonderful Alexandra Dudley - its a herb garden frittata and honestly it packs a REAL punch. I halved the recipe (4 eggs etc) and used half parmesan and half comté in my version, I then cooked it for a slightly shorter overall time, I served it with herby griddled courgettes, roasted new potatoes and roasted tomatoes. I highly recommend you give it a go!

  

• A crunchy nut cornflake snack: combine - 60g Cornflakes (or your favourite flake - Rude health spelt flakes are also great), 20g chopped roasted peanuts and a pinch of salt in a large bowl, meanwhile gently melt 15g coconut oil, 15g peanut butter and 20g maple syrup either in short bursts in the microwave or over a Baine Marie. Once melted, pour over the dry ingredients and stir thoroughly to ensure the cornflakes are fully coated - the mixture will not be wet at all. Spread out onto a large lined baking sheet and bake in the oven, preheated to 160C/140C fan, for 10-12 minutes stirring half way through. Leave to cool on the tray. I challenge you not to eat the whole lot.

• A book - as you know, reading isn’t my forte, but I just bought Malibu Rising by Taylor Jenkins Reid - because I’ve seen it everywhere and heard great things about it. I’m yet to get started on it, but looking forward to seeing whether it lives up to the hype!

Right - are you asleep? I bet you are - it’s a lengthy one! Hope everyone is doing ok. As ever sending all the positive vibes and love to you all.

Steph x

p.s. next week is the run up to my friend’s wedding - I hope to be able to share a little bit of the excitement and fun with you, but I may be a bit late sending out next week’s newsletter - apologies in advance!