I’ve been on a hamster wheel this week which is dangerous for a number of reasons. Not least the fact that I’m VERY in my head during these episodes, the blinkers are on - the rest of the World is sort of faded out - I’m running quite fast (like Phoebe from friends) and there is no finish line. This makes things like crossing the road risky, I proved this on Sunday when I made it across a road with very little recollection of the ‘crossing’ moment not to mention the looking both ways, and listening… and looking again. I felt stupid and negligent and remained haunted by images of my squished self on the roadside for the rest of the day. Uncool.
If I was sensible, I’d slow down and gracefully step off the wheel. I’m not, therefore stopping is likely to involve an ugly sort of burn out. And even though I know this, I’m still running (metaphorically, not much of that IRL because leg STILL a bit wonky).
In part my reluctance to let up is because I actually feel quite alive at the moment which is extremely welcome given the dungeon I’ve occupied over the past couple of months. I don’t know what has changed, and let’s be clear, I’m by no means thriving, but I have a bit of spark inside me. And so, I’ve done stuff and lots of it… when I say stuff, I mean, I’ve spoken to a few people (not dived out of the way to avoid having to interact… I took cake to the fishmonger, and it felt like a good thing), I’ve done annoying little faffy jobs that I’ve been putting off, I’ve organised a few things and I’ve done housey bits - cleaning, tidying, cooking and an absurd amount of quite unproductive baking. My standing time has far exceeded my time sat down and my legs know about it, but I still won’t stop.
I’m fairly sure that excessive baking has been the major contributor to my improved mood. I’ve said this a million times, but there’s something about using your hands - kneading dough especially - that makes a person feel like a person again, I think. The process of breathing life into a bunch of soulless ingredients; of slop becoming an edible entity that you made, with your hands - it has purpose, it’s fulfilling, it’s thrilling! The most simple form of therapy. My friends are making babies, I’m making bake babies - same difference?
Even when it goes a bit wrong, your mind has been sufficiently occupied that the worries have become less fierce. Ok, it has a shelf life that’s sometimes quite short, but it provides relief, which is priceless when things feel super bad.
And so, I seem to have instinctively adopted the mindset that chain-baking is necessary for sustained contentment. For how long this vague buoyancy will last, I’m not sure, but I’m not asking questions and instead rolling with it.
What’s been on the menu you ask?
Two lemon cakes: lemon sponge, lemon curd, lemon mascarpone whip. Never fails.
Three batches of pastry cream (to check the recipe).
One batch of brown butter chocolate financiers (to use up the egg whites from the custard experiments).
One large batch of buttery, shattering, puff pastry- half filled with cherries, the other laminated with cheese and poppyseeds to make cheesy, seedy puff squares that give the house an insane aroma as they bake - they’re also insanely addictive.
A bunch of crusty wholemeal rolls,
3,000 attempts at ‘toffee apple’ cinnamon buns that still need work, they taste amazing, but I can’t get the bake right… in fact, these have started to test my patience, but I’ll keep trying because the concept is pretty majestic.
andddd friends, drum roll please… my new favourite: apple crumble & custard buns; think light sweet, enriched dough (doughnut esque) wedged with cooked sweet apple and creamy whippy custard, showered with crunchy oat crumble- and of course I have the recipe for you below.
What else?
It’s October and it’s very Autumn, isn’t it? Suddenly cold and crisp, earthy, golden, and leafy. I’ve tolerated the cold because the sun’s returned, it’s bright and it feels like someone has lifted the lid on the sky. In fact, I think we have possibly just experienced the definition of perfect autumnness. I can live with this.
I’m about to crack open my first Butternut squash (SO October); I’ll be roasting the seeds which is a highlight, and then cooking and possibly baking with the fudgy, roasted flesh. I’m thinking cheesy, squash pasta bake and butternut, olive oil cake with spices and Zestiness. Superb.
On Monday, I made a quite delicious thick roasted tomato soup (with the remainder of neighbour Geoff’s tomatoes)… I showered it all over myself during the blending process and I’m still wearing the jumper that got caught in the crossfire - don’t judge.
I’ve also made Chilli which I believe is the definition of Autumn wholesomeness.
TV? I haven’t done much of that… I did watch a fantastically terrible film on Netflix one night - ‘This Time Next Year’ - it has Alfie from Emily in Paris in it and it’s just the kind of cosy mindless entertainment I need in the middle of the night. And of course, Bake Off… which was fabulous but also FULL of drama, right?
I think that rounds off another week. As I mentioned above, you have a good little bread project to get stuck into today - I’m tentatively trying to mirror Bake Off’s theme each week and next week comes bread, so we too are breading - head-sup, this is unlikely to last but I’ve managed for the third week in a row, so go me!
As ever I hope you’re all doing ok and am sending so much love to you all. Thank you again to each and every one of you for your continued support - aside from the baking therapy, you guys are the other thing keeping me going, and I’m eternally grateful for that.
Take care and speak soon,
Steph X X X
Apple Crumble & Custard buns
Right, if you make every element of this recipe, set yourself some time aside, it’s a bit of a project… an: apron on, roll up your sleeves and put on your favourite music kind of project.
However, it also isn’t just one recipe, it’s four/five (buy one get four/five free should be my new tagline) and much as they are very lovely together, (and you should absolutely try them together if you have the time), they are each SUPERB in their own right (trust me) and thus you can sort of pick and mix bits to suit you? How FUN?
Let’s break things down:
First, I’m sharing another (I can’t stop sorry) excellent brioche-style bun – it’s a medium hydration dough enriched with a combination of Extra Virgin olive oil and butter which together yield the airiest of buns with a superb flavour and aroma as well as a very pleasing golden tinge. Earlier in the week, I ate a plain version of the buns smeared with butter and filled with ham and English mustard, it was very special, but this also goes to show that it’s a versatile puppy. I will admit that the dough is a bit of a sticky beast to manhandle so I strongly recommend using a stand mixer to help you out if you have one.
Next up, there’s the apple-y element – it’s a sort of compote, but not the mushy baby food kind. I recommend using eating apples with just a little sugar, butter and a squeeze of lemon. The apples are cooked until tender but still retaining their shape. They would work great as a filling for apple turnovers or sweet buns as I suggest here, but they’re just as good as a light, week-night pudding – serve them warm with a dollop of crème fraîche… OH OR… spoon them onto your porridge for an apple-pie porridge vibe – drool!
Thirdly and fourthly… there’s the custardy cream which is composed of vanilla pastry cream (the third element) lightened with some whipped double cream (part four or possibly more accurately, part 3b) – I cannot emphasise HOW GOOD this is, ‘grab a spoon and eat it neat’ kind-of good. Admittedly it’s not the most stable filling for things but it’s great for these buns and would be equally good as a doughnut filling!
Finally… we have the crumble. It’s SO addictive - if you only make one thing from this recipe, make this… and scatter it on everything. Sprinkle it on top of stewed fruit for an instant crumble, use it as a porridge topper, or if you’re into fancy desserts, use it as a little crunchy ‘garnish’. Alternatively, just eat it by the handful, I won’t be judging!
And the fun doesn’t end there… you can personalise each of the above elements to suit your preferences… add zest/spices to suit your mood. In terms of the bun, the only thing I don’t recommend is adding too much spice (particularly cinnamon) as it can retard the yeast in the dough, however, a pinch of cardamom works wonderfully. For the custard, you can infuse the milk with spices (even tea/coffee?) - go wild! Add a pinch of spice to the apples, likewise to the crumble – the world really is your oyster!
I think I’m done with the chat – time to get making!
Ingredients
Buns
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